Even If It Kills Me
by twenty3
Summary: They were able to overcome everything that had ever challenged their relationship. But neither one of them had expected this. Something that's completely out of their hands that threatens their relationship. And one of their lives. NickGreg Slash
1. Hold My Hand

Warning: Language and adult themes in future chapters. Characters aren't mine, and neither are the songs I use at the end of some of the chapters. Song at the end of this chapter is "Paper Walls" by Yellowcard.

Nick/Greg slash

Spoilers for a few episodes, especially those in which Nick or Greg were put through something stressful.

* * *

Greg couldn't comprehend how quick the tables had turned since the night began. He had just been minding his own business processing some samples when Nick walked into his lab and asked him to go to lunch. Greg had of course accepted the invitation happily, excited that Nick had asked him to go along. He had butterflies in his stomach as he thought about being able to spend time outside of work with the man he had secretly had a crush on for the last two and a half years. Greg had actually been quite worried that Nick would stay away from him after what had happened with the articles and the Nigel Crane case. The lab rat couldn't have been more wrong.

Greg's butterflies had increased when he learned that it would be only him and Nick at the diner for lunch. Nick mumbled some lame excuse that Catherine had to pick up Lindsey, Warrick was on a case with Grissom and Sara had the day off. Greg didn't care where everyone else was though. He only cared that he was at lunch, with Nick, and it was just the two of them. They had easily fallen into mindless banter about their usual topic of video games and only stopped arguing about who was better at Madden to take bites of their meals. The pair had gone somewhat quiet when they had gotten their coffee after the meal, both grateful for caffeine to wake themselves up. Greg had been looking at Nick's faint scar above his right eye when the Texan set his cup down and took a deep breath, catching Greg's attention.

Everything after that point where they locked eyes and Nick told him something along the lines of he was in love with him and had been for over a year now was lost to Greg. He couldn't remember Nick's exact words at this point in time because now he was laying on Nick's bed, pressed up against the mattres by the shirtless Nick above him. Greg's breath had immediatly been taken away when Nick had crushed their lips together, but the blonde tipped brunette ignored the burning of his lungs and kissed Nick back as hard as he could. It wasn't until he felt Nick's hands on his abs that he realized he too was shirtless. He ran his hands over the toned muscles on Nick's back, pulling the older man closer.

Then when he felt Nick's hands move to line where his skin ended and boxers began, Greg tensed. He knew Nick noticed too because he moved his hand away. Greg was contemplating pushing Nick away for a second, but didn't think he would be able to do it. For over two years he had been imaging what this would be like, and now that it was happening, he wasn't about to ruin it. So he tried to relax and arched up for more contact with the warm body above his.

But Greg hadn't had to stop moments earlier because Nick did. He sensed that something was wrong and wasn't completely comfortable himself. It had nothing to do with the fact that it was Greg, or the fact that it was another man. He was just scared of what this actually was and didn't want to end up with either of them getting hurt. So he pulled away from Greg slowly, gently pushing against the younger man's chest. He shifted so he was laying beside Greg, their legs still tangled together.

"I'm sorry." Nick breathed.

Greg shook his head. "For what?"

"I didn't mean to do that. I had planned on telling you how I felt, but I hadn't exactly planned on this happening. I just don't wanna mess up what this is or what I meant. I mean, what is this for you?" Nick asked, afraid of the answer.

Greg tensed again. "Can I be completely honest with you?" Nick nodded, so Greg continued. "I've been in love with you basically since the day I met you. I've dreamt about being with you like this for so long. But I don't want this to be it. I want more."

Nick stayed quiet, knowing that there was more Greg wanted to say. Nick's silence was his way of telling Greg to go on.

"When I was in high school and college, everyone I ever had a relationship with used me. For money, rides places, school work, regular work...and even sex. I never did anything about it because I was an only child and didn't know any better. I was just happy for the human contact I guess. But now I know that's not how it's supposed to be and realized how much pain that caused me. I'm not saying that's what you're trying to do to me. I'm sorry, but it's just hard for me to trust people this much I guess."

Nick slowly slid his hand into Greg's. "I understand that. Don't be sorry, it's my fault. I know that I moved way too fast, but I didn't mean to. I just couldn't help it. The whole stalker thing made me wake up and get the courage to tell you how I really feel. I didn't mean to put you on the spot or make you do anything you didn't want to."

"I know, I believe you." Greg squeezed Nick's hand gently. "I just don't know if I'm ready. I haven't been in a real relationship since college. I've never been with anyone who hasn't hurt me. I don't think I'm ready to risk it again."

Greg was going to apologize for leading Nick on, but he was cut off by the other man. "It's okay Greg. I don't blame you. I don't want to put any pressure or anything on you, so here's my idea." He rubbed the top of Greg's hand slowly with his thumb. "We can forget this ever happened and go back to how it was. Or we can remember this night forever, and you can do what you want. If you want to try a relationship someday, I'm ready when you are. If you don't, I'm fine with just being friends with you like before."

"I want a relationship with you, I just don't know how long it's going to take me to be ready for it."

Nick smiled. "I'm not going anywhere. I don't care if it takes two weeks, two months, or two years. However long it takes is how long it takes. Don't rush it or feel obliged to be ready. If you ever need me for anything, I'm here whenever you need me. Okay?"

Greg smiled as well. "Okay." He said. "But I should be the one saying that to you. You're the one who just went through..." He trailed off, not wanting to bring up bad memories for Nick.

But the Texan just smiled wider. "Don't worry about me, I'm okay now. I'm not gonna let that bother me."

"That's good." Greg said. "But are you sure you're okay with this? Because I'd understand if you wanted more right now that I can't give you because-"

Greg was again cut off, but this time by Nick lightly brushing their lips together, immediatly silencing Greg. "I don't care about any of that. I care about you."

"Really?" Greg asked, unable to understand how anyone could actually love him and not just want to use him like everyone else has.

Nick nodded. "Really. What happened to you before is so messed up. Everyone that ever hurt you had no idea what they had when they had you. They obviously had no idea how amazing you are and never cared about anyone but themselves. I don't want what they wanted. I want you."

Greg smiled again as he inched closer to Nick and kissed the older man. Nick shifted so he was on top of Greg again, but this kiss was different. It wasn't frantic and lustful like the previous one had been. No, this one was slower and deeper because neither of them cared about anything else. Greg couldn't remember anyone kissing him like Nick was now. The older man was holding him close, letting him know how much he truly did care without having to say anything at all.

After an extended period of time, Nick was able to carefully pull off Greg's jeans without even causing the other man to flinch. He pulled the covers over Greg and slipped out of the bed to let Greg sleep, but the younger man wouldn't let go of Nick's hand.

"You said if I ever needed you for anything, you'd be here, right?" Greg asked.

"Of course." Nick said.

Greg pulled Nick back into the bed and cuddled up against him. "Well, I want you here so much I need you to be here."

Nick smiled as he wrapped his arms around Greg tightly. Greg rested his head on Nick's chest and draped his arm across Nick's stomach. It wasn't long before they had both drifted off to sleep, their hearts feeling as light as air. For the first time since the stalker incident, Nick was able to sleep without nightmares. He fell asleep easily because he wasn't scared at all of anything. Greg fell asleep faster than he ever had before because he was engulfed in the warmth of Nick's body right up against his. It was different for both of them, but it was a good different.

* * *

Nick had been watching Greg sleep for the last half hour. At first it felt weird because he knew Nigel Crane had done the same thing to him, but then he realized that that was completely different and pushed those thoughts out of his mind. He smiled at how happy and peaceful Greg looked as he slept there. Nick didn't want to wake him up, so he just layed there quietly next to him and enjoyed being there.

Some time later, Greg stirred and awoke a few minutes later. He opened his eyes and frowned at the feel of someone laying next to him. He sat up with a jerk, his heart racing for an unkown reason. He immediatly calmed down when he saw Nick, who looked rather worried at Greg's reaction to waking up next to him.

"I'm sorry." Greg apologized. "I'm just not used to waking up next to someone. I've always woken up alone."

Nick lightly brushed his hand through Greg's soft hair. "You're never gonna have to wake up alone again."

Greg smiled as he settled back in bed against Nick. Nick wrapped his arms around Greg again and sighed happily at the feel of the younger man's body back against his. They layed together in silence for a little while before Greg spoke up, unable to contain his curiosity any longer.

"Did you date a lot of people in high school and college?" He asked.

Nick shook his head. "No, I really didn't. Most of the girls thought I was a jerk because I played football, basketball and baseball and a lot of them knew my older brother, which didn't help too much. And I guess I never really liked anyone enough to date them I guess." He paused for a second before saying, "Wow, that sounds awful."

Greg laughed. "No it doesn't. It's better than if you were a player and dated a million people. Plus, it makes me feel special that you want to date me and haven't wanted to date anyone else before."

"You should. I like you so much I had to get pushed out of a window to get enough balls to tell you how I felt. That's sayin' something."

"I bet." Greg said, still smiling. "Have you ever been in a relationship with a guy?"

Nick scoffed jokingly. "I've barely been in a relationship at all. Most of the guys I knew in high school and college were jackasses. I didn't even wanna be friends with them, let alone date them. I'm sorry to tell ya, but I'm basically a relationship virgin. But ironically enough, not an actual virgin..."

"Oh, so you were a player?" Greg teased.

"No, not exactly." Nick said. "I'm not proud of it. I went to a lot of parties because I was in a frat house and I can't honestly say I remember half of them."

Greg was somewhat shocked. "Come on. You're trying to tell me that Nick Stokes, perfect Texan gentlemen, got drunk out of his mind and had one night stands?"

Nick nodded. "Yes, that's what I'm trying to tell you." He said. "Probably not the best thing to tell you to get you to trust me, but at least I didn't lie."

Greg sighed. "It's not that I don't want to trust you. Just so much has happened to me that it's hard to, no matter how much I want to."

"And that's okay." Nick said. "I'll do whatever I have to to gain your trust. I don't care how long it takes." He kissed Greg's forehead gently. "I'm up for the challenge."

_Here I stand, won't turn back again  
Won't leave you, know how hard it's been  
Hear me now, you will never be alone_


	2. Sonny

Thanks for the reviews and hope to see more, I like to know what you guys think of this and any suggestion you may have.

Song at the end of this chapter is "Like Satellites" by Over It.

* * *

Greg was pleasantly surprised that Nick had meant it when he said he didn't care how long it took him to be ready. He had honestly thought that Nick would get sick of waiting around and bail on Greg, not that he would blame him. But after seven months, Nick was still there even though Greg still wasn't ready. The lab rat felt guilty for it taking so long, but he honestly couldn't help it. He didn't want to get hurt again and knew it would kill him if it didn't work out with Nick. Neither one of them wanted to rush anything, and they saw absolutely nothing wrong with how things were at the current time. They were both happy, so what did it matter?

Some nights Nick would work a particularly bad case, and Greg would end up at his house where they would get some take out and watch a movie together. No matter how bad of a day Nick had, just being with Greg made him feel better. They never had to do anything special as long as they were together. It worked both ways as well. If Greg had a stressful day at the lab or wasn't feeling too well in gernal, the same thing would happen. All their problems were forgotten when they were cuddled up on Nick's couch under one blanket, Greg in between the back of the couch and Nick with his head resting on Nick's chest and the older man's arms wrapped around him. Nothing seemed to bother them then.

Sometimes they didn't even have to be together to make each other feel better. If Greg knew Nick was on a hard case, he'd text him some random funny thought or leave him a voicemail just saying hi. And whenever Nick was on break or just felt like it, he'd drop by Greg's lab and would end up speding a lot more time there than he had planned to. He once made Warrick wait twenty minutes for him to pick up results because Nick had completely forgotten why he had gone to see Greg in the first place.

They had both agreed not to tell anyone about their little arrangement until Greg was ready to make it official, and this made sense to both of them. But Nick couldn't help but tell Warrick, not only because they're best friends but because Warrick had pretty much figured it out. Nick was a little surprised when he was completely fine with it and didn't even seem phased by it.

_"You don't care?" Nick asked, dumbfounded._

_Warrick shrugged. "Why would I care? You're happy with the way it is and he makes you happy. I don't care who it is Nicky. If you're happy with it, so am I."_

They were both happy. If they didn't see each other in the lab and weren't at each other's houses, they were out at dinner together or talking on the phone for hours. Greg never mentioned anything, but the more time he spent with Nick, the more he was falling in love with him. He was just being extra careful this time because he really believed this was it, he just wanted to be absolutely sure.

If anything was ever bothering him, all Greg had to do was call Nick. But this was different. This was totally different. He highly doubted Nick would understand, and for some reason he was somewhat embarassed by it. He knew he had no reason to, but he couldn't help it. He was in more pain than he ever had been and the only way he could think to make it go away was to drown himself in the bottles of alcohol scattered around him on the floor. He ignored the ringing of his cell phone, knowing who it was. At the end of shift, Nick had sensed something was wrong and had tried to get Greg to talk about it, but the younger man wouldn't say. This only worried Nick more, and he wasn't going to give up that easily.

Greg wanted to yell out in frustration when he heard a knock at his door, but he didn't. He finished off the bottle in his hands before letting it fall to the floor and getting up off the kitchen floor. He somehow made his way over to the door and opened it even though he knew who it was. He could have just yelled for him to go away, but something inside him wouldn't allow that. Deep down he knew he wanted to see Nick, but at the same time he didn't think he could.

"What do you want?" Greg asked coldly.

Nick didn't let it bother him. "Are you okay?" He asked.

Greg threw up his hands. "Does it fucking look like I'm okay? No Nicky, I'm not okay. I'm not o-fucking-kay. Nothing's okay, okay?"

Nick could tell Greg had had his fair share of alcohol for the night, even though the other man's speech wasn't slurred. He could see all the bottles behind Greg and that made even more worried than he had been before. Greg never drank a lot, or acted the way he was right now for that matter.

"I just want to help you." Nick said.

Greg shook his head. "You can't. Go home Nick."

Greg grabbed for the door and tried to slam it closed. He would have succeeded too if Nick hadn't reached out with his left hand and got it around the door. Greg unintentionally ended up slamming the door against Nick's hand that was pinned up against the door frame. It might have just been his imagination, but Greg swore he heard bones breaking. He stood there for a second as the shock of what had happened quickly sobered him and waited to hear Nick yell out in pain. But that never came, so Greg pulled the door back open.

Nick was holding his shaking left hand against his chest with his right hand. Greg could see the bruises already under the blood from the cuts he had just caused. He tore his eyes away from Nick's hand and looked at him with tears in his eyes.

"Fuck...I'm so sorry..." He said softly.

Greg pulled Nick inside, kicking the door closed behind him. He lead Nick into the bathroom and had him sit down on the edge of the bath tub while he got what he needed to fix Nick's hand. He came back moments later and knelt in front of Nick. He cleaned the cuts with alcohol and had to hold Nick's wrist so he wouldn't pull his hand away. Then he put antibiotic cream on it, wrapped it in bandages, and held an ice pack on it to keep it from swelling too much.

When he was done, Greg sat back on his heels and sighed. "I broke your hand." He said more to himself than to Nick.

He didn't wait for Nick to respond. Greg got up and walked out of the bathroom, back into the kitchen. He was throwing away the bottles when he heard Nick come to a stop behind him. Greg hesitated a second before throwing away the last bottle and standing completely still, hoping Nick would leave so he wouldn't see the tears running down his face.

"I'm not leaving here with just a broken hand G." Nick said softly.

The sound of his nickname made Greg turn around and face Nick. He forgot to care about the tears falling from his sad brown eyes. There was only about a foot between where he was standing and where Nick was, but Greg couldn't bring himself to close the gap. He wanted to fall into Nick's arms and never move, but he was afraid too. He had never let anyone in as much as he wanted to let Nick in, and the thought of doing that and getting his heart broken scared the hell out of Greg. He didn't know what to do, and he eventually lost control of his tongue after he had been staring into Nick's eyes for some unknown amount of time.

"My grandfather died." Greg choked out. "I know it's stupid and no reason to act the way I did, but you didn't know him. I didn't have any friends in high school, and he was my best friend. It's sad, I know, especially since I told you I was popular and everything. I lied to get you to like me more, and I never told you about Papa Olaf because I thought you'd think I was a dork. Which I am I guess because right now I'm acting like a thirteen-year-old girl."

Nick's head was spinning due to the pain in his hand and Greg's barely coherent rambling, but he made sense of it. "Greg," he said softly, "That's not stupid at all. You lost someone close to you, you shouldn't think it's stupid that you're upset."

"But it's scaring me." Greg would have yelled, but he couldn't because of the lump in his throat. "He was the closest anyone has ever been to me except for you. I love you so much, and if I ever lost you too I don't know what I would do. It would kill me. And I don't even have you yet, we're not even dating. That's why I'm scared. I'm scared to be with you because I don't want to lose you."

Nick stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Greg's waist, pulling the younger man up against him. Greg wrapped his arms around Nick's neck and buried his face against Nick's shoulder. He shivered when the Texan kissed the side of his head softly and gently rubbed his back.

"You're never gonna lose me sweetie." Nick whispered. "I know you're scared, but I'm scared too. It's okay to be scared. But I promise, I will never do anything to hurt you. It kills me to see you like this, I could never be the reason for you being this way. It's gonna be okay, I promise."

Greg pressed himself closer to Nick. "You're the only thing I have left Nicky." He said softly. "I can't lose you too."

"Then you won't. As long as you want me, I'll be here. Nothing could ever make me leave you, okay?"

Greg nodded against Nick's neck. He stepped back from Nick, but kept his arms around his neck and Nick kept his arms on Greg's waist. Nick reached up with his right hand and brushed away Greg's tears, eliciting a smile from the younger man. He then took Greg's left hand in his right and lead him back into the living room, gently pushing him down on the couch before laying down next to him. They snuggled up against each other and were quiet for a little while before Greg broke the silence.

"I'm really sorry." He said as he carefully ran his finger over Nick's makeshift cast. "And not just about your hand...about everything."

"Greg," Nick said, "Don't you think that the only reason for you to be sorry would be because you're hurting me?"

"This didn't hurt?" Greg asked, motioning to Nick's hand.

"That doesn't count, but yeah it did. I mean like you not being ready yet."

Greg sighed. "Yeah, I am sorry that I'm hurting you."

"But you're not." Nick said, shaking his head. "Even if this was hurting me, I still wouldn't leave. But it's not hurting me. I have no problem with the way things are right now and don't care how long it takes. All that matters is that you're ready for it and want it when you are. I could wait for that forever, even if it kills me."

_If you want to fly, well its not that absurd  
If you want to cry we won't breathe a word  
If you want to lie down, well forget what you heard  
Cause we've all got some tables to turn_


	3. Antidote for Irony

Spoliers for "Play With Fire", although I changed some things around.

Song at the end of this chapter is "Stay With You" by the Goo Goo Dolls.

* * *

It was ironic how things worked out sometimes. Like how what seems like a perfect day can be ruined in a blink of an eye. Bad days usually start out bad and progressively get worse, for Greg anyway. But today was totally different. It couldn't have started any better. He woke up to the comforting feel of Nick's hand in his own and the Texan's soft lips kissing gently behind his left ear. Greg was a deep sleeper, but this always woke him up. It was way better than an alarm clock. Nick's gentle touch and warm breath washed away every trace of tension Greg may had had and replaced it with pure happiness.

As was usually the case, Nick had to go back to his house to change for work before they went in, but not before making Greg breakfast. The younger man couldn't keep a smile off his face when Nick was around and loved the intoxicating feeling he was overwhelmed with everytime Nick kissed him, even if it was a goodbye kiss because Greg knew that only meant more to come later. After Nick left, Greg showered and got changed himself before heading in to the lab. Everything had been going perfectly, there was no reason to think it wouldn't continue to go that way.

Greg had no idea how irreparably changed his night would become.

The seconds before the explosion would be forever embedded into Greg's memory, one of the only things he can completely remember about that night. Nick and Warrick were in Archie's lab, looking at something for their case. Greg had glanced over at them at the same time Nick had looked over into Greg's lab. Their eyes met, and Nick flashed Greg his famous smile, causing Greg to smile back as he got butterflies in his stomach. Greg had still been smiling up until the moment he got the feeling something was wrong, and then the moment he realized he had been right. But it was too late.

The last thing Greg could remember was feeling absolutely nothing, but smelling the awful smell of burnt plastic, smoke and fire. He lifted his head up off of the floor and saw Sara lying twenty feet away from him. He tried to get up to see if she was okay, but he couldn't move. His eyes landed on Nick, still in the A/V lab, and he could faintly hear the older man's voice saying something he couldn't make out. Then his eyes fluttered closed and everything went still and silent.

That was before Greg woke up and instantly became the scardest he has ever been in his entire life. He knew he was awake and in a hospital because he could feel the stale, sterile air stinging his dry eyes. He knew he was awake because he could feel that his right arm was numb because he was lying on it and probably had been for some time. He knew he was awake because he felt his heart beating faster when he realized that he couldn't see or hear anything.

Greg immediatly tried to move, but stopped abruptly when he felt a searing pain shoot down his spine, easily the most painful thing he has ever felt. He could barely move his legs and his arms felt like they weighed tons. His breathing quickened and all he could hear was the pounding of his heart in his ears, nothing else.

Then that familiar feeling filled his right hand, and he could feel it being squeezed gently. Even without the gentle kisses behind his left ear and warm breath on his neck that followed, Greg would know that hand anywhere. He knew that Nick was right next to him, and suddenly not being able to see or hear didn't scare him anymore. Feeling Nick's breath on his neck and concentrating on his thumb slowly running over the top of his hand calmed Greg down immensely. All of his sore muscles relaxed and his breathing returned to normal. He closed his eyes against the stinging of tears and he took deep breaths even though it made his ribs hurt. Greg reached out with his other hand until it was met with the feeling of Nick's t-shirt, which he took a fistful of and held on tightly.

Greg didn't know how long it had been since he had felt Nick's hand slide into his own, but it couldn't have been too long after that before he fell back asleep. When he saw Greg's breathing become deep and even, Nick let out a small sigh of relief. He had learned from the doctor earlier that Greg's hearing and sight would be lost for a day or so, but would return gradually. Nick knew he wasn't going to leave Greg's side until he was out of the hospital, and then he'd be with him at his home every minute. He could only imagine how afraid Greg must be and would do anything he could to keep him calm and relaxed as best as he could.

One of the worst parts were when Greg woke up from a nightmare and couldn't keep the panic attacks away. He had no idea why he was even having one, but couldn't do anything about it. It took several long, terrifying minutes for him to calm down, but when he finally did everything was fine. He laid there quietly and focused on the feeling of Nick's hand until he fell asleep. When he was having a particularly bad panic attack, Nick would carefully move Greg's hand so he could slip it up his t-shirt and pressed it against his chest. Greg was calmed by the rhythm of Nick's heart beating against his open palm. Nick's warm skin felt good against his clammy hand, and Greg would soon calm down again.

The only thing worse than the nightmares and panic attacks were when the nurse had to come in to check on the skin grafts and change Greg's bandages on his back. The first time, the nurse had asked Nick to leave, but as soon as Nick reluctantly pulled his hand away from Greg's the injured man freaked out. Nick never moved from his spot again. He stayed right where he was, kneeling on the floor next to Greg's bed.

He didn't flinch when Greg squeezed his hand as hard as he could against the pain on his back. Nick found it strangely ironic that months ago, the hand Greg was no squeezing was the one that he had accidentally broken in the doorframe. He slowly ran his hand back and forth through Greg's soft hair and trailed gentle kisses from his jaw to the back of his left ear again. Greg buried his face against Nick's chest and always tried to fight back tears, but was never successful. Nick stayed as close to Greg as possible the entire time the nurse worked on the blonde's back.

Greg had no idea how long he had been in the hospital, all he knew was he was sick of it and wanted to get the hell out of there. But most of all, he wanted to be able to see Nick's face and hear his voice. That was all he really needed right now and didn't want anything else. He was starting to get really scared that he was never going to see or hear again, but tried to keep that thought out of his head. The last thing he remembered before falling asleep in the silence and darkness for the last time was that if Nick's smile was the last thing he saw and his voice was the last thing he heard, it wouldn't be that tragic.

But lo and behold, the next time Greg woke up he could see the blurry image of Nick in front of him, smiling slightly. Greg smiled for the first time in what seemed like such a long time at the sight of the older man.

"You can see me." Nick said, deciphering it from the look on Greg's eyes and the smile.

Greg nodded. "And I can hear you too." Nick's voice was faint, butit was there. Greg smiled wider when he felt Nick's hand gently squeeze his own. "I never thought I'd be so happy to wake up."

Nick laughed softly. Greg blinked a couple of times, succeeding in clearing his vision. It was now easier for him to see the dark cricles forming under Nick's eyes, the paleness of his face and the dark bruises in his upper arms. Greg's smile changed into a frown at the sight of the bruises and the overall rough shape Nick seemed to be in, even though he wasn't the one in a hospital bed.

"Did I do that to you?" Greg asked, still staring at the bruises on Nick's arms.

Nick shook his head. "No, those are from Warrick and Archie holding me back from running into the fire. Archie's freakishly strong for a computer geek."

Greg felt his smile return. "I remember seeing you and hearing your voice before I blacked out. And I remember you smiling before everything blew up. But that's all I can remember."

"I don't think there's much more to it than that." Nick said softly.

Greg couldn't hold back the question he had been dying to know since he had woken up and realized where he was. "Am I paralyzed, or like half deaf and half blind or anything?"

Nick shook his head slowly. "No sweetie, you're gonna be okay. That was just temporary. Your hearing and vision will be back to normal in another day. You can go home the day after tomorrow."

Greg sighed. "Good. I was so scared that I wasn't going to be able to walk or something ever again." He looked at Nick, and even though he already knew the answer, he asked, "Did you stay here the entire time?"

Nick nodded. "Yeah."

"How long was I here for?"

"Roughly thirty hours. You slept through most of it, and will for the next couple of days too."

Greg tried to protest. "I don't wanna sleep. I wanna stay wake and be with you, even though you look like you could use some sleep."

"I'm fine." Nick said. "You need to rest Greggo."

Greg sighed, this time in defeat. "Fine. But only if you promise to stay with me. I'll freak out if I keep having panic attacks and you're not around."

"I promise. Grissom gave us both time off until you're ready to go back, which won't be until the doctor's say so."

"Okay." Greg said. He was starting to feel slightly dizzy and overwhelmed by fatigue, something he guessed he should get used to. His eyes fluttered closed as he held on to Nick's hand. "You can go home or go get food if you want to." He said, his voice laced with sleep.

Nick smiled. "I've got all I need right here." He said as he kissed the top of Greg's hair and watched him drift off into a peaceful sleep.

_I'll stay with you  
These walls will fall before we do  
So take my hand, we'll run forever  
I can feel the storm inside you  
I'll stay with you_

* * *

This is how I wished the writers had done "Play With Fire", but they didn't. I replaced the scenes with Catherine with this for the purpose of the story. 

Thanks for the reviews. Next chapter should be up soon.


	4. First Time

Song is "The Minute I Met You" by A New Found Glory.

Enjoy.

* * *

Greg was still smiling as Nick left the room for the first time since Greg had been in the hospital to go downstairs to fill out the paper work. Nick had mumbled something under his breath about how much he hated paper work of all sorts, but was willing to do it so Greg could go home as he left the room. Greg then went into the bathroom and changed into dark red basketball shorts and a black t-shirt that Nick had brought him from home. It took him a little longer than it usually did for him to get changed because of the fact that his back and ribs were still sore and his hands wouldn't stop shaking. But he finally got the clothes on and headed back out into his room one last time.

He couldn't honestly say he was going to miss the place at all. He had hated hospitals even since he was a kid, and now he had even more reason to not like them. Greg sat down on his bed and waited for Nick to come back, even though he figured it'd be a while before the older man had filled everything out and made his sarcastic comments about the overall idea of paper work. Greg had been sitting on the bed for about five minutes when the nurse he had had throughout his entire stay came in to collect the sheets and dishes.

"How are you feeling today Greg?" She asked. Mrs. Kaimes was an older lady with salt and pepper hair and a sweet smile. She had been very kind to Greg and had gone out of her way to bend the rules so Nick could stay even when visiting hours were over.

"Better than I have since I got here." Greg answered honestly.

Mrs. Kaimes smiled. "That's good." She piled the dishes onto a tray before turning back to Greg. "He's a keeper ya know."

"Who?" Greg asked, somewhat confused.

"Nick, that young man that stayed with you the whole time you were here." She smiled wider at Greg's mild shock. "I've been a nurse here for over fifteen years. I've seen my fair share of distraught wives and concerned husbands, but never have I ever seen anything like that. He stayed by your bed the entire time. Never moved once, or even thought to use the chair that was right behind him the whole time because he was so worried about you."

Greg shook his head slowly. "How did you kn-"

"At first I thought he was your older brother." Mrs. Kaimes explained. "But even the most caring older brother wouldn't have done what he did for you. Anyone watchin' that could tell you two got something special, and you might be too young to realize it right now. But let me tell you honey, don't even let something like that go."

Mrs. Kaimes collected the sheets and smiled at a bewildered Greg one last time before quietly leaving him to himself in the room. Greg sat there on his bare bed in atonishment for a moments before he smiled. He thought about what she had said and realized just how right she was. No one had ever done anything like what Nick had done for him and knew that that wasn't a common thing. He always knew he was lucky to have Nick in his life, but now he knew just how lucky he was.

Greg was so wrapped up in his thoughts he hadn't heard Nick come back in until he spoke. "Ready?" The Texan asked.

"Yeah, I can't wait to get home." Greg said, matching Nick's smile.

The first half of the ride home consisted of their usual mindless banter about everything other than work and what had happened. Nick wanted to talk about it with Greg, but would more than willingly wait until the other man was ready. He knew that when Greg wanted to talk about it, he'd talk about it. So they joked and laughed for a little while before the conversation died down, and before long Greg had falled asleep with his head resting against the cool glass of the window. Nick glanced over at him every once in a while and smiled each time. He seemed unable to do anything but smile when he looked at the spiky haired labrat.

It wasn't until they neared Greg's apartment that Nick realized he didn't have a key for Greg's door, and he didn't want to wake the sleeping man up. So he improvised and re-routed their destination to his house. He pulled the Denali into his driveway and got out of the car, went up to his front door and unlocked it before swinging it wide open. He then went back to the car, quietly opened the passenger side door and slide Greg out of the seat and into his arms. He was amazed at how light the younger man was and had no trouble getting Greg inside and into his bed. Nick threw the covers over Greg's still sleeping body. He carefully ran his hand through the soft blonde tipped hair before kissing his forehead gently.

Nick went back outside to shut the car door and lock it. He returned inside and repeated the action with the front door before going back into the bedroom and taking off his jeans and button up shirt and replacing them with basketball shorts. He slid into bed next to Greg, but not close enough to wake the other man up. Nick didn't even have to get closer, Greg did it on his own. He sighed softly in his sleep as he inched his way closer to Nick, cuddling up against him and resting his head on Nick's bare chest. He draped his right arm across Nick's stomach and smiled slightly. Nick smiled as well as he carefully wrapped his arms around Greg's back and waist and held him close.

Nick had only drifted off into a light sleep a mere half hour ago before he felt Greg's hands shaking violently against his stomach and heard him began to quietly whimper in his sleep. Nick immediatly woke up and gently ran his hands over Greg's back and shoulders to try and ease him out of his nightmare.

"It's okay sweetie, it's just a bad dream." Nick whispered in Greg's ear. "Wake up. You're okay, you can wake up."

Greg awoke with a jolt and clung to Nick as tightly as he could. Tears immediatly began to fall from his eyes and cascade down his pale cheeks. He struggled to catch his breath and make the awful smell of burning plastic to leave his mind, but he couldn't. The fog covering his mind didn't clear until he felt Nick's heartbeat under his palm and feel the soft lips on his neck once again. Greg thought that that had to be the greatest feeling in the world, especially right now.

"Why is this scaring me so much?" Greg asked. His voice was shaking as much as his hands.

Nick shook his head slowly. "I don't know." He said softly.

Greg took a deep breath, but it got caught in his throat. "I had a dream that I died, but I could still see everything that was happening. You didn't even care. It was like you never even knew me, or you were happy I was gone. It was so weird but seemed to real..."

Nick shifted so he could look Greg in the eyes. "That is really weird, because it couldn't be farther from the truth. I know a lot of bad things happened to you when you were younger and dated different people, but I'm not like that. If something happened to you, I wouldn't be able to just move on, especially if you died. If you died, I'd die too."

Greg slid his hands down and rested them on Nick's hips. "It's just hard for me to believe that anyone actually cares about me."

Nick smiled down at Greg. "I've never cared about anyone as much as I care about you. I'd do anything to make you happy Greg."

Greg leaned up and pressed his lips to Nick's. He deepened the kiss and it was only broken so that they could get air into their lungs after an extended period of time. Greg realized his hands weren't shaking anymore and decided to seize this opportunity to tell Nick what he had been thinking about for some time now.

"I'm ready." Greg whispered against Nick's neck.

Nick tried to pull back and look at Greg, but the younger man wouldn't loosen his grip on his hips. "Are you sure?" Nick asked.

Greg nodded. "Yeah, I am. I've been thinking about it a lot lately and I don't want to wait anymore. I've known since the minute I met you that I want this to be it. I want you to be it."

Nick gently pushed Greg's shirt up enough so he could slip his hand under the fabric and brush his fingers over the warm skin. "I love you Greg."

Greg felt the goosebumps spread over his entire body as he pulled Nick closer. "No one's ever said that to me before." He said softly.

Nick smiled and kissed Greg's neck. "I've never said that to anyone before. I wouldn't have meant it if I did. You're it Greg."

_Never mind the time  
Or the spinning of your head  
I can tell my life was changing  
Since the minute I met you  
_

* * *

Thanks for the reviews. Sorry this chapter was a little short. The next one's going to be longer and up soon.


	5. All Eyes On Me

Song is "Must Have Done Something Right" by Relient K.

Thanks for the reviews and I hope you're enjoying this story.

* * *

Any other time Greg's hands had been shaking, Nick had been able to make them stop. No matter why it was happening, Greg knew who to go to to make it stop. Over the last two years since the lab explosion, they had been shaking less and less. But on occassion, especially now that he was a CSI and he didn't get to see Nick as much because of the shift changes, his hands would shake every now and again. Just seeing Nick or hearing his voice could make it stop, no matter how bad it was.

But that wasn't the case tonight. Nick couldn't make it stop because it was Nick's fault. Not directly, but it still had everything to do with him. Greg could see him clearly and could hear his voice in his head, but that only made his hands shake more. He was starting to feel light headed and couldn't hear anything else but Nick's voice in his mind. He couldn't see anything other than Nick on the monitor in front of him. Greg completely forgot about everyone else around him and couldn't feel their hands on his shoulders. All he could feel was his own hands shaking violently and the searing pain in his chest.

It had been surprising at first. Greg had been able to work diligently and look over Nick's active and recent cases, looking for any clues at all. His hands hadn't been shaking too bad because he was staying positive and knew Nick could take care of himself and would be okay. But when they found out just where Nick was and what his situation was, all of that changed. Greg felt like his heart had been ripped out and thrown in the box with Nick. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion as Greg watched his boyfriend slowly dying right in front of him and knew there was very little he could do to help him.

Greg was able to appear like he was doing just fine around everyone else so that they would focus on Nick and not worry about him at all. He was able to help process the evidence and started to get some of his hope back when they narrowed the search radius and found the trigger wire. He knew it wasn't much, but he needed something to keep him going and not give up on ever seeing Nick again. He knew that he would never rest, and neither would the rest of the team, until they found Nick. Everyone was stuggling to keep their composure and make it easier to find their friend. But the harder they had to try only reminded them that time was running out and they were getting desperate.

The feeling he had when he found out what was happening to Nick was unlike anything Greg had ever felt before. He couldn't even describe it as a single feeling. It was the worst he had ever felt in his entire life and wouldn't have been able to forget it if it hadn't been for the feeling he got when he heard Catherine call out that she had found where Nick was buried. He could barely remember anything that had happened after that moment. He vaguely recalled using the fire estinguisher to kill the ants and pulling on the rope with Warrick, Brass and some other cops. He remembered seeing Nick go flying through the air in front of a cloud of smoke and fire before landing on the dirt and lying still.

Greg was somewhat surprised that the explosion hadn't bothered him. It was probably because he was so worried that Nick wasn't going to survive that he hadn't paid enough attention to the explosion for it to bother him. What did bother him was the fact that he couldn't move at all once he saw Nick was out. He couldn't speak and was having trouble breathing. All he could do was stand there and watch as Warrick and the paramedics surrounded his boyfriend. Greg was relieved to see Nick was being taken care of and started to relax. He stood silently alongside Sara and Grissom as they watched Nick being loaded into the ambulance, accompanied by Warrick and Catherine.

Grissom had been the only one that spoke from that point on until they got to the hospital when he said, _"I want my guys back."_

* * *

Greg and Warrick had been arguing over who was going in to see Nick for the last five minutes. But they weren'y arguing the way you'd think they would be. Greg thought Warrick should go in first and Warrick thought it should be Greg. Each had their own reasons why, but the older CSI was winning the argument and was clearly not changing his mind anytime soon. 

"You're going in to see him, or no one is." Warrick said plainly. "I see him all the time at work. You don't get to as much. He needs you right now, it's a fact."

"But you're his best friend." Greg said.

Warrick smiled slightly. "Exactly. And as his best friend, I'm telling you to get your ass in there and keep him from going insane."

A smile of his own tugged at Greg's lips. He took a deep breath and waited to get a reassuring smile from everyone else in the waiting room before going down the hall and stopping outside of Nick's door. There was no window for him to look through. The door knob felt like it took all of his strength to push it down and push the door open silently. The first thing Greg looked at was the heart monitor attatched to Nick. He made sure the little line was going up and down before sighing in relief.

Then his eyes met Nick's.

Even from where he was standing, Greg could see the difference in Nick's eyes. The younger man had always been able to tell exactly how Nick was feeling just by looking in his eyes. Whenever he was mad, sad, tired, happy, or lied - Greg knew. Nick could usually fool people with one of his smiles, but Greg knew when his eyes weren't smiling. This was one of those times.

Greg slowly crossed the room and sat down in the chair next to Nick's bed. He was able to ignore the bites all over his arms, neck and face. He ignored how pale Nick was and the fact that he could just as easily be dead right now. He ingored everything around him except for Nick's eyes, the sound of his heart beating in his ears and his hands still trembling.

Nick saw that Greg's hands were shaking and immediatly reached out, sliding his left hand into Greg's right. Greg squeezed Nick's hand gently so he wouldn't cause him any more pain. Nick smiled up at him sadly, and the sight was almost enough to break Greg's heart.

"How are you feeling?" Greg asked softly.

"Better now that you're here." Nick answered honestly. Greg didn't say anything, so Nick went on. "Almost the entire time I was down there, I thought about you. You kept me alive down there."

Greg shook his head slowly. "You made it outta there on your own. You didn't need me."

"Yes, I did." Nick argued. "The only reason I didn't end it was because I didn't want to break the promise I made to you. I promised you I would always be here and that I'd never hurt you. And I needed to tell you that I love you. I don't do that enough because I'm not used to saying it. But it's true, and I should say it every time I see you. I love you more than anything Greg."

"I love you too Nick." Greg said through the lump that had formed in his throat. "I'm so glad you're okay. I couldn't stop thinking about how bad I messed up before. I should have started dating you the second I found out you felt the same way."

"Greg, don't feel ba-" Nick started, but was cut off.

"I wasted time with you. I should have taken every second I could be with you. I wasted so much time when I was ready all along."

Nick smiled with is mouth, as well as his eyes. "I don't consider it wasted. I still knew you, and that's good enough for me. We were still friends. We've got the rest of out lives to be together."

"I almost lost you." Greg said as the tears started falling from his eyes.

Nick squeezed Greg's hand back. "But you didn't. I'm still here, and I will be for a long time. We can't dwell on what we did and didn't do. I wouldn't have had this any other way. I'm still here, and so are you. There's not much else in this world that I need other than oxygen, food, and you."

Greg smiled as well. He was quiet for a moment before looking down at his hand in Nick's. "Do you really think we'll be together forever? I mean...do you really think this is it for you? I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to change your mind."

Nick's smile grew. "There's nothing in this world that could ever tear us apart. I will never stop loving you. As long as you love me, we'll be fine. I'll be fine." Greg looked up at Nick. "Forver might not be long enough for me."

_Maybe I'm just lucky  
Cause it's hard to believe  
Believe that somebody like you'd  
End up with someone like me  
And I know that it's so cliché  
To talk about you this way  
But I'll push all my inhibitions aside_


	6. Last Night

Nick's own screaming woke him up. Again. He felt so hot that he should have been sweating, but he was shaking instead. His chest felt tight and he could barely get air in and out of his lungs. He sat upright, proving to himself he wasn't underground. But his arms and legs felt heavy like he had before, his back hurt, and he couldn't breathe. His heartbeat was thundering in his ears and the sickening green glow was still surrounding him. Nick squeezed his eyes shut, but the glow didn't go away. His throat and lungs were burning because of the lack of oxygen and he felt like he was going to pass out at any second. 

Then he felt a warm hand slide across his bare back and a gentle arm wrap around his shoulders. He didn't fight back as his body was pulled up against Greg's. Nick buried his face against the younger man's neck and clung to him as Greg stretched his other arm behind Nick's waist. Greg rubbed soothing circles on the small of Nick's back and lightly kissed Nick's forehead on his hairline.

"It's okay Nicky." Greg whispered. "You're safe, I promise."

Nick took a deep breath and savored the feeling of air returning to his lungs. "Stop making me take those damn sleeping pills. I don't want to sleep anymore. The dreams are worse than what actually happened."

"But you need to sleep, you need rest." Greg argued.

Nick shook his head. "No I don't. I can rest without sleeping. I don't ever want to remember what happened. I don't want to remember that I almost broke a promise to you."

Greg slowly pulled back from Nick and looked him in the eyes. "What?"

"All I could think about was how I kept telling you I would never leave you. I remember that night when you broke my hand and said you didn't want to ever lose me. I hate thinking about how I almost did that to you. I don't ever want to do that to you."

Greg rubbed Nick's arm slowly. "You didn't. You're still here, and it wasn't your fault. You're never going to do that to me, I know you'll never leave me on purpose."

Greg laid back, pulling Nick with him. The older man rested his head on Greg's chest and draped his left arm across Greg's waist. He sighed contently when Greg began rubbing his back again to keep him calm and started to relax a great deal. They both knew neither one of them would be going back to sleep anytime soon, so Greg decided to engage in a conversation with his boyfriend.

"Why did you shoot out the light?" Greg asked, knowing that Nick wanted to talk about what happened but wouldn't bring it up himself.

"It was connected to the fan. When the light was on, the fan was off. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I didn't think about ants or anything."

Greg nodded slowly. "At least they helped us find you though."

"Those little fuckers." Nick said with a sigh.

Greg laughed lightly. "I'm just glad we got you back. I don't know if I could take Warrick kicking shit at me any more."

"What?"

"When we were where Gordon blew himself up, I found the trigger wire and tried to convince him and Catherine that that could lead us to you somehow. He was really frustrated and kicked oil or something at me. But then we found the proto-type with the dog in it, so I guess it wasn't that bad."

Nick smiled slightly. "You should have kicked something back at him."

"I would if I had had something to kick. I couldn't find anything, so I think I whined about my clothes or something. Catherine calmed him down quick though so I didn't get body parts thrown at me or anything."

Nick laughed for the first time in a few days. "I had a dream kinda like that. Doc Robbins and Super Dave threw my rib cage and organs around. They were speaking spanish too I think." He shook his head. "Those guys are weird."

"I had a dream I was at your funeral. Talk about weird. I was the only one there and was choking because I couldn't breathe. I woke up and my face was blue. Scariest thing ever."

Nick moved closer to Greg. "I only fell asleep once, and the entire rest of the time I thought about you. I couldn't remember anything other than little things you either said or did. I would have gone crazy without all of that."

"It's a good thing you didn't because you're already a little crazy Nicky." Greg said as he wrapped his arms around Nick tighter. "I mean, you wouldn't be dating me if you weren't crazy."

Nick smiled again. "I think it's the other way around, but whatever you say G."

Greg sighed slightly. "I would love to continue to argue with you about this, but you need to eat. That's probably why you're having so many nightmares."

Nick groaned. "I'm not even that hungry. You can't force me to eat."

"Yes I can." Greg said confidently.

The ex-labrat slid out of bed, successfully pulling Nick with him. He threaded his fingers through the darker haired man's and lead him into the kitchen where he made Nick sit down at the table and wait patiently. Greg went over to the fridge and opened it, staring at its contents for a few moments. After coming to a decision, he grabbed eggs, milk, and bacon from the fridge and put everything on the counter. He grabbed a bowl, pan, two forks, plates and glasses and set them down as well before beginning.

Nick watched with a small smile on his face as his boyfriend made him breakfast. He was impressed at how easily Greg did everything. Nick had never been much of a cook, but Greg could definitely hold his own. He didn't even let the toast burn because he timed it all perfectly, and it wasn't long before he was shuttling all the food over to the table to an amused Nick.

"I was an only child, I had to learn to cook to feed myself." Greg said, answering Nick's question he was wearning on his face.

"Thankfully, I had six older siblings to do that for me. I still burn toast." He said as he took a bite of his eggs, which he readily admitted were delicious.

The pair fell into a comfortable silence as they ate, which didn't take them too long at all. Once they were finished, Greg quickly cleared the table before Nick could get up to help.

"I thought you weren't hungry?" Greg said as he rinsed Nick's plate.

"Now I'm definitely not." Nick said, standing from the table. "Besides, you're not exactly a terrible cook, and I haven't exactly eaten anything in long enough for me to not remember exactly when it was."

Greg was finished with the dishes. He turned around to face Nick and wrapped his arms around his waist. Nick rested his hands on Greg's hips and gently pulled him closer.

"You're way too skinny. You're like me now." Greg said, running his hands over Nick's slim waist.

"But I like you." Nick said with a smile as he leaned in and pressed his lips to Greg's. He slipped his fingers under Greg's shirt and started tracing the scars on his sides and lower back.

"Even my scars?" Greg asked softly. He hated his scars and would do almost anything to make them go away.

Nick nodded. "Everything about you." Greg smiled. "Especially that smile you got there Sanders."

* * *

I'm sorry this chapter was so short and took a long time to get up. But the next chapter is going to be longer and will start the storyline for the rest of the plot. I hope you're enjoying it, and thanks for the reviews.


	7. Disease

A full year had gone by without anything bad happening to Nick or Greg. The beating had been another heartwrenching tragedy, but Greg had pulled through it with Nick by his side. It wasn't nearly as hard to overcome as the explosion, but the fact that he had taken someone else's life plagued Greg's dreams for months. Thanks to Nick, Greg was reassured that he hadn't had any other choice and had done the right thing. It took some time, but Greg finally got over it and was able to move on. 

That had been a year ago. Now, things couldn't be better. Work was better than it had been in a while, they were still on the same shift, and seemed to be falling even more in love with each other every day they spent together. They had been living together for two years, and neither one of them had ever been happier.

Except for today.

Greg had been sitting in the break room drinking coffee with Brass and discussing their case when Brass' cell phone had inturrupted their conversation. He answered it and was only on it for a moment before he hung up slowly and looked over at Greg.

"Nick got in a car accident. They brought him to Desert Palms...we're supposed to go meet everyone else there." The captain said as calmly as he could.

The ride to the hospital was eerily similiar to the one Greg had endured after Nick had been kidnapped. The entire time he was trying to make sense of what was going on, worried about how bad it was and hoped Nick was going to be okay. They finally made it to the hospital and were in the waiting room with the rest of the team in no time.

"What happened?" Brass asked as they walked up to Grissom, who shrugged slightly.

"We're not sure. It was a head on collision, but they're both okay, Nick and the other driver. Nick was knocked unconcsious, but the other guy was fine. He called 911. Nick's awake, he only has a minor concussion and some cuts and bruises. We just talked to his doctor, he's going to be fine."

Greg sighed in relief. "Can I go see him?"

Grissom nodded. "Yeah, he's looking for you."

In under a minute's time, Greg was in Nick's room by his bed. He slowly slid down into the uncomfortable plastic chair and smiled at Nick, who smiled back. He really wasn't beat up that bad at all, but something in his eyes told Greg there was more to it. Nick looked scared, something Greg rarely saw in his boyfriend's eyes.

"What's the matter?" He asked softly.

Nick shook his head. "I don't know. I was just driving to work, and all of a sudden I started shaking and then I couldn't see anything. The next thing I know, I wake up here. I don't know what happened to me."

"Did you eat anything?"

"I had a burger with Warrick, but it wasn't cuz of that because it was hours before. I felt fine one minute, then the next I pass out. Did the doctors say what happened?"

"I don't know, I just got here with Brass. We were at the lab." Greg explained. "Maybe you're just over tired or sick and fell asleep."

Nick sighed. "I hope so. But this felt weird. I don't know how to explain it. I still feel weird right now. A little while ago I couldn't stop shaking, and everything hurts. My vision's all blurry and my head in killing me, but that could be from the accident. I think something else is wrong."

Greg didn't know what to say, so he carefully slid his hand into Nick's and squeezed it gently. He lightly ran his thumb back and forth over the top of Nick's hand and smiled at him every now and then to reassure him that everything was going to be okay, even though neither one of them knew anything for sure.

Neither one of them had any idea.

Half an hour later, Grissom entered with a young doctor, along with an older one. Grissom and the young doctor had a grave expression on their faces, wheras the older man looked like he had more important things to do.

"I'm Dr. Myers, and this is Dr. Lindser." The older doctor said to Nick before looking at Greg. "If you'd excuse us, we have some important business with Mr. Stokes."

Before either Nick or Greg could say anything, Grissom responded to Dr. Myers request. "He stays." The supervisior said simply. He seemed to be very annoyed with the older doctor and wasn't going to be polite much longer.

"Fine." Dr. Myers said with absolutely no emotion in his voice. Dr. Lindser took a seat on the opposite side of Nick's bed as Greg, and Grissom sat next to the youngest member of his CSI team. "We ran some tests to find out what happened, and what we found out isn't exactly normal. I have no experience with this, but Dr. Lindser does so I'm letting him handle it. I have other matters to attend to, so he can answer all your questions." And with that, Myers left the room.

Dr. Lindser shook his head slowly. "I'm apologize for him, he's had a rough week and is retiring soon. He's normally not like that." Lindser took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Okay Mr. Stokes," he started, but Nick cut him off.

"Call me Nick." He said.

Lindser nodded. "Okay, Nick. Your description of your symptoms sparked an ineterest with the nurses because they were rather out of the ordinary. We ran some tests, and I'm afraid I have some bad news."

Nick looked at Grissom, then at Lindser. "What is it?" He asked hesistantly.

"You have an extremely rare disease. In fact, it's so rare that only two other people have had it that's known. It doesn't even have a name because it's so rare and is mistaken for other similar diseases." Lindser explained. "What it is is basically a combination of Parkinson's, MS, the flu, and mono. The symptoms are virtually the same, but the affects are much worse."

"How much worse?" Greg asked, his voice shaking slightly.

Lindser sighed. "This disease attacks different parts of the body in different ways, which makes it nearly impossible to treat. Medication for one symptom will make another worse."

Nick shook his head slowly. "So what exactly is wrong with me?"

"The disease acts like a cancer. It attatches itself to something and won't stop spreading. It affects the same region of the brain as Parkinson's does, which results in uncontrolable tremors. That in turn leads to muscle complications and even failure, mimicking MS. Your immune system and intestines are affected by all the other stress, and is like a really bad stomach flu you can't get rid of. You'll be sick to your stomach and will be very achey. All of this combined leads to extreme fatigue, weight loss and an enlarged splein, just like mono." Lindser said slowly, letting everything sink in.

"It's hard to comprehend, but it's real." Grissom said softly.

"So you're telling me I have some rare disease that has no medicine and is like having every bad disease there is all at once?" Nick said.

Lindser nodded slowly. "Yes. There's no cure for it, but there are treatments that do have some positive affects."

The young doctor looked over at Grissom, who sighed heavily and closed his eyes for a moment before opening them and looking at Nick. He could see Greg watching him from the corner of his eye, but kept his eyes focused on the darker haired man.

"There has only been two other cases of this, both of which were recent enough for Dr. Lindser to have worked on because they were patients of his. He is the most experienced person there is dealing with this, and he knows what he's doing." Grissom said. "Which means he is absolutely about this and wants both of you to know that neither one of the previous patients survived with this disease longer than a few months."

Lindser picked up where Grissom left off. "At first the affects won't be as noticable. You'll just be more tired than usual and won't have much of an appetite. Then you'll get extreme migraines and your vision will go in and out. This will make you very uneasy and nervous a lot, especially with the other symptoms I mentioned. The toll this takes on the body is damn near unbearable for an extended period of time."

Nick was silent for a moment before speaking again. "So what does this mean? Where do we go from here?"

Lindser glanced at Grissom, then back to Nick and Greg. "Honestly, I don't know."

* * *

Thanks for the reviews. I'm so sorry it took so long to update, but I've been very busy. Things are settling down so a lot more progress will be made.


	8. Right Here

Nick could feel Greg's hands shaking on the bed next to his side. He could see the look on the younger man's face without even having to look at him at all. Nick didn't want to see that look in Greg's eyes, so he focused on Lindser and Grissom, who were trying to explain it as best as they could. It was the same stuff over and over again, and each time it made less sense that something like this could actually happen with barely any exlpanation. It was hard to say exactly what was going to happen and within what span of time, which was what was the hardest part about this whole absurd thing. 

"There's going to be some days where you feel absolutely fine, and others where you've never felt sicker in your entire life." Lindser said. "You can't be left by yourself for very long because there's not telling when you're going to have a seizure or pass out or something. The symptoms get increasingly worse over time."

Nick nodded slowly. "Okay. Are you going to be able to tell when I'm gonna die?"

Out of the corner of his eye, Nick saw Greg look down at his shaking hands and do nothing to stop the tears from falling down his pale cheeks. Nick hated to be talking about that in front of him, but he knew he had no other choice. He needed to know as much as possible, no matter how much it was going to hurt to know the truth.

Lindser sighed. "Yes and no. When the symptoms get to a certain point, they stay that bad. After that, it's usually only a few weeks before the body can't take it anymore. That was the case with the other two patients. They both had the same symptoms, except for one that was different for both of them, and it was their worst symptom. One of them had seizures more often, and the other had worse muscle trouble. I think the worst part for you is going to be blurred vision, which is going to result in severe migraines."

"There's no way to stop it?" Greg asked. "There's nothing that can be done?"

Lindser shook his head. "There's very little." He paused for a moment, then continued. "I'll dicuss those things with you and Mr. Grissom now while Nick's having some more tests run."

Greg wached silently as Nick was taken from his room and down the hall, where they would be running even more tests on him to see what else they could find out. Greg hoped they didn't find anything else that could possibly make this any worse.

Greg sighed heavily and turned his attention back to Dr. Lindser. "Okay Doc, what can we do?"

"You live with him, right?" Lindser asked, and Greg nodded. "So you have the most important job. He can't be left alone for longer than a half an hour. He'll only be able to sleep for no more than six hours at a time, then he'll have to be woken up. The hardest part will be keeping him awake and making him eat because he's going to be very tired and not hungry at all."

"Why can't he sleep a lot?"

"If his body stays in a relaxed state for too long, he could slip into a coma. Moreover, that's how he'll most likely die. The other patients both died in their sleep with very little warning before."

Greg nodded very slowly. "How long do you think he has?" He asked, his voice on the verge of cracking.

Lindser sighed. "It's hard to say. He's inn good physical shape, so that could help out. I hope the other patients just couldn't handle it and that this time it'll be different. But he's going to have to fight like hell to beat this."

* * *

Nick was home from the hospital much sooner than expected due to the fact that there really was nothing more that could be done for him. Suggestions to eat healthy, rest a lot and go about everyday life was listened to and noted, but not exactly as easy as it sounded. Especially the whole 'don't worry about it' mentality, because this awful thing was plaguing both Nick and Greg's minds and wasn't about to go away anytime in the near future. 

Both men were sitting on the couch, pretending to watch TV. Greg was sitting a couple inches away from Nick because he was afraid that if he touched him he'd hurt him. He knew it was stupid to that think, but he did nonetheless. Nick knew what Greg was thinking, but didn't know what he could do to change it. He was feeling fine at the moment and knew that sooner or later, he and Greg would have to talk about their current situation and what they were going to do.

Nick turned to Greg, who looked at him with a sad smile. "Everything's gonna be okay G." Nick said, trying to reassure his boyfriend and himself. When Greg didnt' respond, Nick sighed heavily. "Listen, I was thinking about something since I found out what was wrong with me, and I think you should do it."

"What is it?"

Nick took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I think you should break up with me and start moving on now. It'll be easier for you later if you get it over with now. Then you won't care when I die and will be able to just keep moving on."

Greg stared at Nick, not believing what he had just heard him say. "What?"

"I want to make this as easy for you as possible. Wouldn't that be easier?"

Greg shook his head slowly. "No. Why would I want to do that?"

"So you don't have to go through this too."

Greg slid over next to Nick and laced their fingers together, holding his hand tightly but gently. "I know this is going to be hard, especially on you. But there's no way I'm gonna leave you to make it easier for me. I don't want to make it easier for me. I want to be here, with you, and do anything I can for you."

"Are you sure?" Nick asked.

Greg nodded. "Positive. I'll do anything you need me to."

Nick smiled. "Okay." He said softly as he leaned forward and pressed his lips against Greg's.

Greg fell back against the couch, pulling Nick against him. He deepend the kiss and he pulled Nick closer, starting to drown in the feeling of the older man's body pressed against his. He ran his hands over Nick's back and threaded his fingers through the short hair on the back of Nick's neck. Greg felt Nick's hands tugging at his shirt, but then seconds later he felt the muscles in Nick's back tense, and then Nick was shivering all over.

Greg pulled back and looked up at Nick, who was clenching his jaw, trying to make the shaking stop. "What's the matter?" Greg asked.

"I don't know." Nick choked out in obvious pain.

Greg carefully shifted himself and Nick so that Greg was sitting upright and Nick's back was pressed against his chest. He wrapped his arms around Nick and held him close as the other man shook. He gently kissed Nick's neck and whispered softly in his ear to calm him down, and not long after, Nick stopped shaking and slumped against Greg in exhaustion.

"Sorry, it just happened." Nick said as his eyes closed and he snuggled closer to Greg.

"Don't be sorry, it's okay." Greg said. He grabbed the blanket off of the back of the couch and threw it over himself and Nick, who was about to fall asleep. "I love you Nicky."

"Love you too Greg."

Greg kissed the top of Nick's hair and laid back as they both drifted off to sleep in each other's arms.

_Yeah, whatever makes you happy  
__Yeah, whatever makes you beautiful  
__Yeah, whatever leaves you satisfied  
__You get what you want cuz you won't let it die  
_

* * *

Sorry it took a while to get this up, and that it was rather short. I promise the next chapter(s) will be longer and full of angst. Thanks for reading and reviewing everyone.

Song is "Yeah, Whatever" by Splender.


	9. Safety

Greg stretched his arm out across the bed and groaned softly when his hand met nothing except the cold sheets beneath his fingertips. He slowly opened his eyes and looked over to where Nick was supposed to be sleeping, but that wasn't the case. The Texan had vanished from his spot in their bed, leaving no sign of himself behind. Greg slowly sat up and then glanced over to the bedroom door, which was slightly ajar. It was then that he heard the Nick gasping for air in the midst of coughing coming from the bathroom across the hall. Greg scrambled out of bed as fast as he could, ignoring the tingling when his bare feet hit the cold wood floor. 

He was at Nick's side seconds later. He kneeled down next to the older man and gently rested his hand on Nick's back. He rubbed soothing circles slowly against Nick's t-shirt and proceeded to wrap his arms around his boyfriend when Nick let himself fall forward against Greg. Nick had no more energy left after having just thrown up everything he had eaten in the last day. His whole body was shaking and every breath he took stung his already sore ribs.

"You should have woken me up." Greg said softly. "You don't have to go through this alone Nicky."

Nick put more of his weight against Greg. "You finally fell asleep. You'd been awake with me for weeks. You needed rest, I don't wanna wear you out."

Nick slowly rose to his feet, bringing Greg with him. The pair slowly made their way back to their bedroom and Nick collapsed onto the bed as soon as he could. Greg crawled in next to him and wrapped one arm around Nick's waist and slipped his other hand into Nick's slightly shaking one.

Greg kissed the side of Nick's head lightly and held him tightly. "I don't need rest. I need you to be okay."

Nick shook his head slowly. "You don't need me." He whispered softly. "I've been meaning to talk to you about that too."

"Nick, I'm not leaving you."

Nick sighed. "I know that. What I mean is I think you should at least date other people too. I can only go to work when I feel alrighty, then that's it. All I can do now is lay around and watch movie and TV before I get sick or pass out. I don't want you to miss out on anything. Go see and sleep with other people."

Greg's mouth fell open in shock. "You're clearly not in your right mind right now." The younger man said. "You're trying to tell me you wouldn't care if I went off and dated other people and had sex with them while you're here, sick and alone?"

"Yes." Nick lied.

Greg scoffed. "Yeah right. I know when you're lying better than you do. You don't really want me to do that."

"I don't wanna hold you back G." Nick sighed heavily. "I don't wanna be a burden on you. I just want you to be happy sweetie."

Greg smiled. "I am happy. I've never been as happy as I am when I'm with you. I don't know what it is, but you just do something to me that no one else ever could. I love you with everything I have, and I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

Greg sat on the edge of the bed and watched as Nick slept peacefully. He smiled, but stopped abrputly when he felt the stinging around his left eye. He forced himself to push that to the back of his mind and concentrate on just being there for Nick in any way he could. Although their last encounter when Nick had been awake hadn't been pleasant, Greg knew it was just because Nick was sick and didn't have control over much anymore. The thought still scared him, especially since over the last month things have just been going from bad to worse.

I had started with Nick getting sick to his stomach a lot and having severe headaches. The headaches turned into migraines, and the stomach problems turned into Nick not being able to keep anything down. He lost so much weight in that one month that with his shirt off, Nick didn't even look like Nick anymore. He had only been able to make it into work barlely one day a week and was always confined to the lab. He had no energy left in him at all, and it was really starting to take its toll on Nick.

Greg felt his muscles tense when Nick started to stir, but once he opened his eyes and smiled up at him everything faded. Greg forgot about everything else and smiled down at Nick, once again causing a stinging pain to shoot around his left eye. He was able to ignore it however and continued smiling down at Nick.

"Hi." Nick said sleepily.

"Hi, how are you feeling?"

Nick shrugged. "Fine right now." His eyes had finally adjusted to the dim light, and at first he thought it was a shadow cast across Greg's face, but then he realize that it was a bruise circling his boyfriend's left eye.

"What the hell happened to you?" Nick asked. He stretched his right hand up to Greg's face, and upon doing so noticed the back of his hand was bruised as well. The experienced CSI soon put two and two together. He felt his heart sink at the realization of what had happened. "Oh my God..." He said softly as he sat up slowly.

"It's okay." Greg said quickly. "It's not a big deal."

Nick was now fully sitting in bed, tears welling in his tired brown eyes. He shook his head slowly and didn't even notice his hands had started shaking. All he could do was stare at Greg's face, and when the younger man looked down and away, Nick knew he was right. He felt sick to his stomach, but knew he had nothing left in it to make him throw up again. His chest began to hurt as the realization of what he had done sunk in, making his heart feel as heavy as a ton of bricks.

"I...why did I do that?" Nick asked, his voice soft and shaky.

Greg looked up at Nick and tried to smile, but couldn't. "You weren't feeling well and I was being annoying. Doctor Lindser said it could happen, that you'd get agitated and mad easily. I didn't mean to make you mad, I swear."

Nick shook his head slowly. "No, it's not your fault. I...I hit you. I can't believe I hit you. I don't even remember it."

Greg moved closer to Nick and leaned forward, kissing his forhead gently. He brushed away the stray tears falling down Nick's pale cheeks and ran his hand through Nick's dark hair slowly.

"It's okay sweetie, I know you didn't mean it. You're sick and can't control stuff like that. It's okay, I'm fine."

"But I'm not." Nick choked out. "I don't care how sick I am. I hit you. I love you so God damn much, but I still hit you." He looked down at the bed, then back up at Greg. "If I ever do it again, hit me back. Harder."

"No Nick, I'm not gonna hit you."

Nick sighed. "Then yell at me or something. How could I do that to you?"

"You're going through so much pain and stress right now, it's normal. I don't care if that's what it takes for you to feel better. Do whatever you want to me."

Nick wrapped his arms around Greg's waist and pulled him against his own body. His ribs screamed out in protest, but Nick didn't care about the pain he was in right now. He cared about the man he was pressed up against, holding him tightly as if his life depended on it. When he thought about it, Nick realized that his life really did depend on Greg.

"I don't wanna hurt you." Nick said against Greg's neck. "I don't wanna do anything to you other than just be with you. I'm not trying to hurt you, I promise. I don't need anything else but you Greg."

Greg rubbed Nick's back gently as he layed down, pulling Nick to rest against him. "I know. I'm right here Nicky. You're going to be okay. You can do this, I know you can."

Nick curled up against Greg and let everything else disappear. He hid from his sickness as well as his pain against Greg and focused on nothing else other than Greg's heartbeat under his ear and the feeling of his hands on his back continuously tracing random patterns. He sighed contently at the warmth emnating off of Greg and let it, along with the sound of Greg's voice whispering in his ear, lull him to sleep peacefully. Their bruises healed and the incident was pushed to the backs of both their minds, ignored but not completely forgotten. They wouldn't be able to forget anything of what they were going to ultimately go through.

_You could hide beside me  
Maybe for a while  
And I won't tell no one your name_

* * *

I know that this was extremely uncharacteristic of Nick, but it was to show how much this is affecting him and how dedicated Greg is so making him feel better.

Next chapter should be up soon. Thanks for the reviews.

Song is "Name" by the Goo Goo Dolls.


	10. Fighting

"You've seen this movie more times than any other two movies you've seen combined. That's pretty sad Nicky." 

Nick shook his head in protest and snuggled closer against Greg. "No it's not. You're just jealous you haven't seen this amazing movie as much as I have. It's a great movie, and you know it."

"How don't you get sick of it? You watch it at least once a week." Greg asked.

"It's impossible to get sick of Fight Club. It's that good." Nick responded.

"I don't think it is. Between you watching the movie and reading the book constantly, you'll get sick of it. Trust me."

Nick smiled and shook his head again. "Whatever you say Greggo."

Greg wrapped his arms tighter around Nick's waist and rested his cheek against the side of Nick's head. The Texan was laying back on Greg, the younger man's chest pressed against Nick's back. Nick was laying in between Greg's legs with his head resting back against Greg's left shoulder. They were covered in the warm blankets of their bed, contently wrapped up in each other and watching Fight Club. Neither one of them was really watching the movie. They were focusing more on talking to each other and not having anything to worry about. They pushed Nick's illness along with everything else to the backs of their minds and just relaxed for the first time in a long time.

"Have you ever been in a fight?" Greg asked Nick as they watched Edward Norton and Brad Pitt beat the hell out of each other.

Nick nodded. "Yeah, plenty. I lived in a frat house in college. There was a fight almost every day."

"I bet you make a better lover than a fighter." Greg said with slight sarcasm.

"I'd have to agree with you." Nick replied. "What about you?"

"I've never been in a fight."

"Never?"

Greg shook his head. "Nope, not once. I don't have any brothers or anything to fight with, and I was always fast enough to run away from anyone who wanted to beat me up. Fighting never appealed to me. Not getting beat up always seemed like the better choice to me."

Nick laughed. "You've got a point there. I never fought with my brother much. We're pretty close in age, so we got along well enough. My sisters were the ones who fought though. They were awful to each other. It was somewhat amusing though. Me and Ryan fought with our sisters boyfriends more than with each other."

"You seem like you'd be overprotective of your sisters."

"It had nothing to do with me, or Ryan. They were all jerks and treated my sisters terribly. All five of them went for the jackasses. They never listened to anyone. Thank God they got smarter when they got older and married good, normal guys."

"And what exactly is a good, normal guy?"

"The guys my sisters married." Nick said, not knowing how to describe it. "They treat them well, they're nice to everyone in the family and everyone likes them."

Greg nodded slightly. "Makes sense." He said. "Is your family religious?" He asked, hesistantly for some reason unknown to Nick.

"I'm not, obviously, and no one else really is. Most of them believe in God and all that."

"But you don't?"

Nick shook his head. "No. I don't believe that there's someone who has the power to end all suffering, but everything just gets worse. Maybe it's just because of what's happened to me, but whatever it is, I don't believe in someone who doesn't seem to care."

Greg couldn't blame Nick for how he felt, especially since he thought the same thing. "You're the only one who could handle everything that you've been through. Do you realize that?"

Nick turned his head and smiled at Greg. "I realize that I've had the worst luck possible, other than meeting you, and you've got to be the only reason I'm still here. Other than that, nothing really matters to me much anymore."

* * *

Nick and Greg were laying on their sides facing each other, fingers intertwined under the blankets still covering them. Nick was struggling to keep his eyes open, and Greg was trying to get him to fall asleep. They both knew that everytime Nick went to sleep could be the last. But they also knew that the more sleep Nick got, the more strength he would get to help him fight off this terrible disease that was slowly taking over his body.

Nick never wanted to go to sleep because he'd much rather spend that time being awake and with Greg. He knew that either way Greg would spend most of his time awake, making sure Nick was okay. So Nick figured that as long as Greg was awake, he wanted to be awake. The more time he could spend with Greg, the better.

Greg wanted Nick to be asleep as much as possible so he'd be well rested and would feel better. Nick slept less and less, and the lack of sleep made his seizures and headaches much worse. He could never fall asleep on his own, and never seemed to want to. Greg stayed awake as long as he could to make sure Nick was always okay and wasn't having any nightmares. He wanted his boyfriend to be as calm and happy as possible, and Greg would do anything he could to ensure that.

Before he fell asleep, Nick would always tell Greg he loved him in case it was the last time he would fall asleep. Greg once asked Nick why he always made a point to do that, and Nick responded that he wanted the last thing he ever said to be 'I love you' to Greg.

_"If I die in my sleep, at least I get to die next to you." Nick had said, sleep lacing his soft voice. "If I stop breathing, just keep your arms around me."_

Greg laid next to Nick, rubbing the top of his hand with his thumb and softly singing him to sleep. Nick had given up trying to keep his eyes open and focused more on Greg's hypnotizing voisce lulling him off into a deep sleep. Greg never let go of Nick's hand, letting him know that he's always going to be there whenever Nick needed him.

A half hour after he fell asleep, Nick started shaking. Greg quickly shifted and pulled Nick against him, holding him tightly. Nick didn't wake up when he had a seizure anymore. He just subconsciously squeezed Greg's hand and tried to bury himself against Greg, but remained asleep. Greg hoped Nick couldn't feel as much pain when he was asleep as he did when he was awake.

The younger man wished that they could spend more days like they did today. He wished that Nick could lay in his arms everyday, calm and not in too much pain. He hated the days were Nick couldn't even talk because he was in so much pain and was too tired and weak to even fall asleep.

Grissom had stopped letting Nick come in to work altogether. Catherine, Warrick, Grissom and some swing CSIs were always pulling doubles and even triples to cover Nick and Greg. Nick felt bad that they had to, but they wouldn't hear it. They told him to just worry about feeling better and they'd cover his shifts until he could return to work. All the support and postitiveness towards him getting better helped Nick in more ways than anyone could imagine.

Nick's biggest help though was of course Greg. Greg was always there with Nick whenever he was getting sick to his stomach or was shaking uncontrolably bad. He always found a way to cheer Nick up and make him feel even slightly better. Nick was in constant pain, and some days were worse than others. But regardless of how he was feeling, Greg was always there. No matter what.

He never told anyone this, but Nick wasn't afraid to die. He'd been faced with the possibility so many times that it didn't have such a negative affect on him anymore. He wasn't afraid he was going to die, but that didn't stop him from trying as hard as he could to get better. He didn't know exactly what to do to make himself better, but he was sure as hell trying everything he could think of. He focused on things that made him happy more than what was happening to him right now. Nick stayed positive with the help of his friends and Greg and had a good feeling that he would be able to pull through this.

The thought of leaving Greg alone was what scared Nick. He knew his boyfriend could take care of himself, but he didn't want it to come to that. He wanted to always be there for Greg if he ever needed him, just like Greg was there for him now. He knew that he didn't have too much control over what was happening to him now, but he wasn't just going to give in.

Nick was never going to give up, no matter how much going on hurt and how bad his chances looked. He found something to lie for, and he was going to hold on to it as long as he could. Nothing would make him let go of the best thing that ever happened to him. Nothing would make him let go of Greg.

_Said that I'd fight for the one that I found  
I'm going to stay here while I wait for you to come around  
I'll fight, you're apart of me now  
And I will never give up  
No I'll never give up_

* * *

Thanks for the reviews everyone. Next chapter will be up soon.

Song is 'Fighting' by Yellowcard.


	11. When I Die

Greg didn't care that his head hurt. He didn't care that his hands were shaking. He didn't care that hot tears were streaming down his pale face. He didn't care that there was nothing he could do to stop any of the things he didn't care about in the first place. The only thing he cared about was laying in the hospital bed in front of him, passed out from exhuastion and pain. The only thing he cared about was slowly slipping away from him, and there wasn't anything he could do but sit there and watch. He couldn't go find a print to break the case or make a DNA match. All Greg could do was hurt and shake and cry for the only thing he still cared about. 

Just as things were starting to get a little better, Nick took a turn for the worst. His headaches got so bad that he couldn't even see straight and he hadn't been able to eat or sleep in over a week. He would randomly lose all control over his muscles and more often than not he had trouble breathing. Of course none of this did anything to help the Texan, and inevitably, his body surrendered to the stress and pain. His brain couldn't take it anymore and his heart was done working so hard. He had a heart attack, and three days after open heart surgery, he was still asleep.

The doctors weren't calling what state Nick was in a coma because that was impossible. If his body slipped that far away, he would die. It wouldn't be a coma for more than a few hours. He was so weak that all he could do was sleep, and that was a stretch. No one knew why he was still asleep other than that he was probably just too tired to make himself wake up yet. It was actually good for him to be sleeping so much.

But it wasn't good for Greg.

He was of course glad that Nick was getting rest and probably couldn't feel any pain at the moment. He just wanted him to be awake and functioning so that he'd know he was really going to be okay. For the time being. Greg had been able to ignore the future and focus on the present for the extent of Nick being sick. But now, all he could think about was the future. When would Nick wake up? How is he going to feel when he does? Is he going to be okay after this in the long run?

Yesterday, when Greg had finally been allowed to go see Nick face to face instead of behind the glass window to his room, the reality of everything sunk all the way in for the first time. Nick looked worse than he had in the four months that he had been sick. It had never gotten bad enough where he had had to go to the hospital. Greg watched his chest slowly rise and fall and listened to the quiet beeping of the heart moniter, all the while wondering how much more of this Nick could take.

Greg was too afraid to touch Nick. He didn't want to risk potentially causing Nick anymore pain. All he wanted to do was make it all stop. He wanted Nick to be perfectly okay again. He wanted everything to be perfectly okay again.

Nick started shaking slightly, but just as aburptly as it had started, it stopped. He sunk back into the bed as his muscles relaxed. Then his eyes slowly fluttered open and Greg could almost see the haze that was surrounding Nick's groggy state at the moment.

"Hey Nicky." Greg said softly as he sat forward in his chair.

Nick turned his head so he could look at Greg. When he did, he smiled, despite the pain he was in. "Hey G. What happened?"

Greg bit his lip. "You had a heart attack sweetie."

"Oh." Nick said. "Does that mean...am I gonna die?"

Greg shook his head. "No. The doctors said it was actually kinda good because it got you to rest for the first time in a while. It was a good sign that you could handle it because it means you're getting some of your strength back."

"How long have I been here?" Nick asked.

"Almost a week. You had surgery a couple days ago, then you slept for three days straight. Do you feel okay?"

"I don't know." Nick answered honestly. "It doesn't hurt as bad as it should I guess. Nothing more than usual. That's why I thought I might be dying. I feel kinda numb more than in pain."

Greg nodded slightly. "That's good. I'm glad you're not in pain."

"How are you?"

Greg smiled to himself at Nick's selflessness. "I'm fine. Don't worry about me, just worry about getting better, okay?"

Nick nodded. "Okay. Am I gonna be able to go home soon?"

Greg shrugged. "I don't really know. I hope so. The doctor should be back in soon, I'll ask him then. I'll stay with you as long as you're in here. I won't leave your side, I promise."

* * *

Greg stuck by his promise. Nick had had to stay in the hospital for two more days, and Greg didn't leave him for more than a half hour combined the entire time. He only left momentarily to go to the bathroom or when Nick forced him to go get something to eat. Nick didn't sleep or eat much. All he really did was lay there, shaking every once in a while, and talk to Greg. Greg sat next to him, gently brushing his hand through his hair and holding his hand the entire time. 

As soon as Nick got home, he went right back to bed. He couldn't stand up for longer than two minutes before he began to feel dizzy and sway on his feet. Greg made him some soup, and he ate a little bit of it. Nick was starting to feel exhausted again and the pain was returning as the numbness started to wear off. Greg slid into the bed next to Nick and let his boyfriend curl up against him. Nick rested his head against Greg's chest and tried to relax, but he was having trouble doing that.

"What did Lindser say to you when I was having more tests run?" Nick asked after they had both settled into bed next to each other.

"That it's not as bad as it seems and you should be feeling better soon, especially if you eat something and get some more rest." Greg answered.

"I thought that was it." Nick said softly.

"That was what?"

"I thought I was gonna die."

Greg pulled Nick closer to him and kissed the side of his head. "You're not gonna die. You're gonna be okay sweetie. You can do this Nicky. It's gonna be okay."

"It's just weird because I'm not afraid. I thought I was going to be, but I'm not."

"You mean you're not afraid to die?" Greg asked.

Nick nodded slightly. "I know that it's a good possibility and everything and that there's not much I can do but try as hard as I can not to. But it doesn't scare me when I think about it."

"I think that's a good thing." Greg said. "And after everything you've been through, you're accustomed to the thought."

"I think there's more to it than that." Nick shifted so he was staring into Greg's eyes. "I'm not afraid to die because I have already have everything I could ever want. I have you. I know I made that sound like I don't care if I die and never see you again, but that's not what I meant. I mean that I don't have anything left to wish that I could have done. You're all I've ever needed."

Greg looked at Nick, unsure of what to say. "Really?"

"Remember when I told you that if you ever needed me, I'd be here?"

Greg nodded. "Yeah."

"That was not only because I care about you, but because if you're by my side, nothing else matters. I don't care what could happen to me if there's that chance that I get to see you every day for the rest of my life. If I die, then at least I got to love you."

Greg leaned forward and presses his lips to Nick's. He felt like he was melting against the body of the older man, who was moving closer to him. Greg knew how lucky he was to have someone like Nick and was willing to do anything to keep him and let him know how much he loved him. He wasn't sure how to do it, but he definitely was going to do it.

Nick fell asleep about a half hour later. He had been hesitant to sleep more because he wanted to spend every moment he could with Greg, but the younger man lulled him off into a deep sleep easily. He was able to keep him calm in his sleep, and Nick didn't start shaking even once. Greg couldn't remember the last time that had happened. He also couldn't remember the last time he had been so happy that didn't involve a time when he had been with Nick.

Greg smiled as he watched Nick sleep. The Texan looked so peaceful and at rest. Greg was glad to see him resting and not in a lot of pain like he had been recently. He hated to see Nick anything but happy. He wished there was more he could do to help Nick and make him feel better, but he knew there wasn't. So he just kept doing what he was doing and what seemed to be working.

Greg was just there with Nick, never leaving him by himself in this struggle he wouldn't be able to get through alone.

_Do you remember when  
I told you this that night  
That if you're by my side  
When everyday begins  
I'll fall for you again  
I made a promise when  
I told you this that night_

I'll be fine  
Cuz when I die  
Then I die loving you  
It's alright, I'll be fine  
When I die then I die loving you  
Loving you  
Loving you

* * *

The song is "Dear Bobbie" by Yellowcard.


	12. Afraid

Despite how it sounded, Nick's heart attack helped him more than it hurt him. It did two things; allowed him to rest a great deal more than he could have otherwise, and proved that he could handle a great deal of pain and stress if need be. The surgery had made his heart stronger and would prevent more strain on it in the future. Nick slowly but surely began to get the energy he had had before he had gotten sick back. Having more energy made him feel better. He was eating more and keeping it down, which of course helped as well. Dr. Lindser was astonished at the turn around Nick made, and although he was glad for it, he didn't want Nick or anyone to get their hopes up because the tables could turn just as quickly once again. 

Until he started getting sick again, if it ever happened, Nick decided to go back to work. He missed it a lot and needed the distraction from everything else. After Grissom, Catherine, Warrick, and of course Greg and Lindser finally agreed, Nick was back. He started off slow, getting stuck in the lab again and annoying Hodges more than actually working, but after a couple months, he was still feeling fine and went back out into the field. He was never allowed out at a scene for more than four hours and had to promise multiple times that he would tell someone if he wasn't feeling well. That occassion never arose, much to everyone's apeasement.

Nick was completely one-hundred percent better. Not yet. He still got headaches and would occassionally get sick to his stomach, but nothing even close to as severe as it had been before. He still got tired easily and his hands would shake every now and again. But other than that, he was looking much better. The paleness of his skin was fading and the only obvious sign he had even been so sick was how skinny he was. Otherwise, he was the same sarcastic, fun-loving Nick he'd been since the first day anyone had ever meet him.

Grissom was glad to have Nick back, but he wasn't going to take any chances. He only let him work short shifts and never put him on a case that would by physically or mentally straining. He made sure Nick was always working with either Greg or Warrick, or both, so they could keep an eye on him. They were all glad to see Nick doing so much better, and although they mostly knew better, hoped he was going to make a full recovery and get rid of that terribly disease he had been forsaken with.

Nick and Warrick were in the break room finishing the paper work for the case they finished the shift before. Neither one of them were actually working. They were spending more time playing basketball with the mini hoop hung on the wall in the corner near the trash can.

"Are you guys getting your work done?" Grissom asked upon entering the break room and seeing his CSIs fooling around.

"Nope." Nick and Warrick answered in unison.

Grissom rolled his eyes, but smiled nontheless. "Have either one of you seen Greg recently? I need to speak with him."

"I'm right here." Greg said, entering the room behind Grissom. He walked around the supervisor and over to the table, sitting next to Nick and Warrick. "What's up?"

"I need to ask you a favor. I wouldn't be asking if I didn't really need it from you Greg." Grissom said. "There's a conference in Chicago for a new DNA test that's in the workings. I don't know the specifics, but they've asked for you because you're still considerd the top DNA analyst in the country. The lab wants you to go because it's supposed to be a breakthrough thing and they'll give us new equipment for it."

"How long is it?" Greg asked.

"Three days." Greg glanced over at Nick, then back at Grissom, who could read his mind. "I don't want you to have to go either, but it's a good opportunity, and it's only three days."

"Go Greggo." Nick said as he threw a paper ball at Warrick paper bal en route to the hoop, knocking it away.

"You think you can be home by yourself for three days? What if you get sick?"

"I'll call Warrick, or Catherine. I'm sure they'll both be over making sure I'm fine anyway. Everything will be fine, don't worry so much. I'm okay." Nick said, smiling at Greg.

"That's true. Okay, I'll go. When do I leave?"

"Tomorrow morning. Your flight is at nine. Seeing as how none of you are getting anything accomplished, why don't you all go home before Ecklie comes in a bitches us all out?"

* * *

Greg kept his eyes away from Nick as he haphazardly packed his things into the duffle bag he was taking with him. He didn't look up at Nick, who was leaning against the doorframe to their bedroom. He didn't even glance in his direction once, and Nick definitely noticed that much. He also noticed that Greg's hand were slightly shaking as he started zipping up the bag on the bed in front of him. The younger man shoved his hands in his jeans' pockets and then slowly turned away from Nick, his head pointing towards the floor. 

Nick pushed himself away from the doorframe with his shoulder and slowly walked over to Greg. He stood behind his boyfriend and slowly wrapped his arms around his waist. He rested his chin on Greg's left shoulder and gently pulled Greg's back flush against his chest as he tightened his grip on him.

"What's wrong sweeite?" Nick asked against Greg's neck.

"I'm scared." Greg said softly.

"Of what?"

Greg pulled his hand out of his pockets and put them on Nick's wrists. He pulled Nick's arms off of his waist and turned around to face Nick, holding the older man's hands in his own. Suddenly they weren't shaking, but Greg's voice was.

"Of losing you. I know you're feeling better and everything, but if I'm gone and something happens to you and I'm not here..." He trailed off, not wanting to think about it even though it was plaguing his mind.

"Nothing's gonna happen to me Greg."

Greg shook his head. "You don't know that. No one does, not for sure anyway. I know it's probably the worst possible thing to do, but I keep thinking about getting a call from Warrick telling me you died. If it's gonna happen, I don't want it to happen like that. I don't want it to happen at all. I don't want you to leave me."

Greg wrapped his arms around Nick's neck and buried his face in the crook of his neck. Nick put his arms back around Greg's waist as he felt warm tears sliding down his neck and trailing across his collarbone. He felt his own tears stinging his eyes, but ignored it. He just tilted his head so his mouth was next to Greg's ear.

"You're never gonna lose me Greg." Nick said. "Even if I'm gone, I'll still be here. I'll never really leave you."

Greg choked back a sob. "I wish that was true. If you're gone, then you're gone."

Nick pulled away from Greg slightly and rested his forhead against Greg's. He removed his hands from Greg's waist to reach inside his own shirt. He retrieved the silver chain and pulled it up with both hands over his head. With one swift motion, he pulled it over his own head, then over Greg's and let it drop to hang around Greg's neck.

Greg had seen the chain around Nick's neck numerous times. As a matter of fact, all the time. It was one of those things you become so accustomed to that you don't even notice them anymore because you're so used to them being there. But he wasn't used to the feeling of the cold chain around his own neck and frowned slightly as Nick after he had put it on him.

"My brother gave it to me after the stalker thing. For my birthday. For good luck, he said." Nick explained. "Barely a day after he gave it to me was when I finally told you how I felt about you. I finally risked something, and gained everything. I know it seems like I've had the worst luck in the history of the universe, but it brought me the best luck I could have ever gotten. I got you."

"I can't take this from you." Greg said, rubbing his fingers over the small silver cross hanging from the chain.

"You're not taking it, I'm giving it to you. I never thought of this as lucky or anything. I'm not even religious. But this is the only thing I can physically give to you that will always be with you, even if I'm not."

Greg looked down at the silver pendant in his hand for a moment before looking up at Nick. "Is it weird that this makes me feel better?"

Nick laughed. "No, that's the point G. If someday I'm not here, you can look at that and know I'll always be here. No matter what, nothing could ever make me fully leave you. I would never let that happen."

Greg pulled Nick back against him. "I'm just scared I'll forget you. I don't want to ever forget you at all. Everyone's gonna remember you for being this strong, great guy. You're that and so much more to me that I never wanna let go of."

"I'm not that strong, I only am what I am because of you. I don't want people to remember me. I don't want you to forget me, but I don't want you to not move on. If something happens to me, promise me you will."

Greg shook his head. "I can't do that. I'm not gonna move on cuz there's nothing to move on to. Losing you would borderline kill me, but for you, I'll try to still function."

Nick smiled. "That's all I ask. But for now, relax Greg. Everything's gonna be okay. I'm not leaving you right now. There's nothing to be afraid of. I'm right here."

_The necklace and those things you gave  
Will go with me everywhere I go  
Well it's not the end  
I won't pretend it's impossible to fix what can't be broke  
I'm breathless and disconnected  
I won't forget those times we spent  
Cutting our silhouette, waking up nights again  
I am afraid because I'm open and undone_

* * *

Thanks for the reviews. Next chapter will be up soon and focus a little more on Nick with Warrick, but with Nick and Greg as well, of course.

Song is "Breathless" by Aiden.

Thanks for the reviews everyone.


	13. Full Forever

Warrick couldn't help but watch Nick out of the corner of his eye. Every time the other man moved or coughed or anything other than just sitting still, Warrick's head snapped over to look at him and make sure he was okay. Nick noticed that Warrick was doing it, but didn't say anything to him about it. He knew why he was so concerned and didn't really blame him for it. But he really was feeling a lot better, and although he had been told not to get his hopes, he couldn't help but feel relieved that maybe, just maybe, he would be able to make a full recovery and get his life back to the way it should be. 

The two friends were watching 'Swordfish' in Nick's living room. They had spent the entire day together, since the minute Greg had left for his flight to Chicago for his conference. They had done everything they usually did when they hung out; played video games, ordered take out, and watched as many movies as they possibly could. It was sort of a tradition for them to do that whenever they could, and since they hadn't gotten a chance to recently, they were taking full advantage of it.

"Still feeling better?" Warrick asked, breaking the silence.

Nick smiled. "Yeah, I'm fine. Maybe Lindser was wrong and it was something different. I hope anyway."

"Either way, I'm just glad you're feeling better now. Don't worry about the future, focus on staying well now. We'll worry about later later."

Nick nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I just hope I don't get the way I was before. I don't care about the sick part as much as I do about..." He trailed off when he realized he was thinking out loud again.

Warrick frowned in confusion. "About what?"

Nick sighed. "When I was really bad, a couple months ago, I...I hit Greg. I didn't even remember it. I can't believe I did it. I would rather die from this stupid disease than hurt him."

Warrick was shocked upon hearing this, but didn't miss a beat. "It wasn't your fault Nicky. You can't control what happens when you're that sick."

"But Greg thought it was his fault. He thought he did something wrong and was annoying me or something. I'd be dead right now if it wasn't for him. I probably would have given up a long time ago. I just can't believe I hit him. That made me feel sicker than anything else."

"It wasn't either of your fault." Warrick said, sitting forward and leaning towards Nick. "I know you feel bad, and that's normal. But you didn't have control over it, and neither did Greg. He knows you would never do that to him under normal circumstances."

Nick shook his head slowly. "Why can't this be normal circumctances? Why, when I'm finally actually happy, do I have to get this absurd disease that is almost definitely gonna kill me? How the hell is that fair?"

Warrick squeezed Nick's shoulder firmly. "It's not man. It's not. But no matter what you go through, you do it with a smile and act like it's not a big deal. Me and Greg may be the only people who know it's not the case, but that's because we know better. Nothing's been easy for you, but you haven't given up yet. And I know you never will."

* * *

As much as he loved hanging out with Warrick, Nick was somewhat glad when his friend had been called in to work. Warrick was worried sick about Nick and needed to put his mind on something else. Nick was glad Warrick was getting a distraction. After Warrick had left, Nick had taken a long, hot shower before making himself a sandwich. He ate the entire thing and smiled to himself with the knowledge that that would have made Greg happy to have seen.

Nick slowly slid into bed, pulling the covers over his shoulders as he sank into the mattres and let his head fall against the pillow. He wasn't tired, nor in the mood to sleep. He knew a valliant effort would be wasted because he could smell Greg on the sheets and pillows next to him, but couldn't see or feel the other man. He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep without Greg next to him, so he grabbed his cell phone off the nightstand next to the bed and dialed Greg's number without even having to think about it.

It had hardly rung once before Greg's voice came through the phone from the other end of the line. "Hey Nicky."

Nick smiled upon hearing his voice. "Hey Greggo. How's Chicago?"

Greg sighed. "Boring. I'm learning about something I've known how to do for ten years so we can get free stuff to get it done a little bit faster. Completely pointless."

"Well not everyone's a genius like you are G."

"That's true. How are you feeling?"

"Fine. I just can't sleep without you."

Greg held back a sigh. "I know, I'm having the same problem. But you need to rest so you won't get sick again."

"I can rest without sleeping." Nick said. "I'm actually doing it right now. I'd rather talk to you and rest than not talk to you and not sleep. Stop worrying Greg, you tear yourself up over this."

"I know, but I can't help it. I love you so much and want to make sure you're okay and will stay okay for as long as possible. I'm just scared that one day, you're not gonna be here."

"I know, I'm scared too." Nick replied. "But it doesn't matter if I'm sick or not. It doesn't matter what might happen. It's gonna be fine. We're gonna be fine. I promise you that no matter what happens, it'll all be okay."

Greg felt tears stinging his eyes. "Not if you're not here. I wish I could be as brave as you about this, but I can't. Not if it deals with you not being here anymore."

"I'm only brave because I have you with me everyday. What I'm doing is nothing compared to what you're doing. Staying with someone who has the possibility of dying anyday with no warning is the bravest thing anyoe could ever do. Staying with them so that you'll both be happy for just a little bit longer is not only the bravest thing, but the most unselfish thing ever."

Greg felt the tears run down his cheeks, but didn't brush them away. "I need you to promise me something."

"Anything."

Greg took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Promise me you won't give up."

Nick shook his head slowly even though Greg couldn't see him. "What do you mean?"

"I know you're in a lot of pain all the time and everything, and it'd probably be easy and better for you to just give in so you wouldn't be suffering so much. But just...promise me you won't. Promise me you won't give up."

"I won't give up. I can't. I don't care how much pain I'm in. Nothing could make me leave you not even one second earlier than I want to. I'll do whatever it takes to spend as much time as possible as I have with you. I don't care if it's four more weeks or fourty more years. I'm not gonna give up."

"I just want you to be okay. I hate that you're in pain and I hate that there's nothing I can do to help. I hate that I waited so fucking long to finally trust that you wouldn't hurt me. I always knew you wouldn't, I just couldn't believe it. I wasted so much time, and now I don't know how much we have left. I'm not giving up either...I'm just scared out of my mind."

Nick swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. "Listen to me Greggo. It's not your fault that I'm in pain and that there's nothing that can be done. It's not your fault that you waited until you were ready because I'm glad you did. You didn't waste any time at all. You may not realize it, but you're helping me in more ways than you could ever know."

"You don't have to say this to make me feel better."

"That's not why I'm saying it. I'm saying it because it's true. Without you, I would probably be dead by now. But I'm not, because of you. No matter how bad I feel or how much pain I'm in, I never care as long as you're there next to me. I'm scared too. It's okay to be scared because no matter what happens, no matter how scared we get, we still have each other. Nothing's gonna change that. I promise."

Greg smiled slightly. "How do you always think of the right things to say?"

"The same way you can always make me smile, no matter what's happening to me. You just do it."

Because with you  
I'd withstand  
All of hell to hold your hand  
I'd give it all  
I'd give for us  
Give anything  
But I won't give up

* * *

I'm very sorry for the amount of time it took to update. My computer was having problems, and my account on this website wasn't saving any of my work. Hopefully it won't happen again.

Song is "Far Away" by Nickelback.

Thanks for the reviews.


	14. Saying Sorry

Somehow, after two years, the chain around Greg's neck felt ice cold and the cross hanging off of it felt like it weighed a hundred pounds. He could feel it as his heart raced against it. His mouth was completely dry and he was quite certain that his legs were going to give out at any second. He couldn't think straight, which only added to the headache he was getting from his suddenly blurred vision. Greg had had no idea that bad news could affect him this much. But when he thought about it, he'd never gotten news this bad before and it was actually making him physically sick. He wished that he wasn't feeling so sick because he wanted to figure out what to do. He had to figure something out. He couldn't just give up. 

The sounds of the rest of the team behind him were muffled and distant to Greg. He could barely hear anything except his heart beating in his ears. All he could see was Nick laying twenty feet away from him, separated by a door and a glass window. The tubes running in and out of Nick only worsened Greg's stomach ache and made his head throb. He couldn't imagine how Nick was feeling. He wondered if he even knew, or if he would ever know until it was too late for it to sink in. The longer Greg stared at Nick the more he wanted to just run to his side and try to tell him that everything was going to be okay, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

Greg's hearing became clear when he heard Dr. Lindser talking to Warrick and Grissom behind him.

"Nick thought he was feeling fine because he got used to the pain and sick feeling he was constantly in. His body became accustomed to that and accepted it as normal after a while. His symptoms finally got bad enough that he could feel it again and he was too weak to take it anymore." Lindser explained.

"So what does that mean?" Grissom asked.

Lindser sighed. "We've run some tests, and I'm afraid it doesn't look good. He's just not in good enough health to handle what's ahead."

"What's ahead?" Warrick asked fearfully.

"The worst physical pain anyone would ever have to go through. He hasn't eaten in a while and all his muscles are shot. His body is trying its hardest to get what it needs to keep going, but the fact of the matter is, it doesn't have enough of what it needs. Thankfully he has nothing in his stomach for him to keep throwing up, but that's not going to help as much as we'd hoped for." Lindser said slowly.

Grissom nodded slightly. "Okay...so what does this mean? Overall?"

Lindser sighed again. He glanced at Greg's back, knowing the young man was listening without even having to see his face. "In the state that he is now with the ordeal his body is going to go through, we can't see him making it through two more nights."

Warrick's jaw dropped. "What? You can't be serious. You mean he's going to die in two days?"

Lindser nodded slowly. "I'm afraid so."

Greg didn't want to give up, but it appeared that he had no other choice.

* * *

Everyone had taken the doctors' advice and said to Nick what they felt needed to be said before he inevtibally passed. Greg was the only one left because he had been the only one allowed to stay past visiting hours. Lindser had foughten with a couple nurses and bended the rules for this unfortunate situation. Greg was sitting in the chair next to Nick's bed, staring down at the pale white sheets that matches the sickening color of Nick's skin. Silent tears were rolling down Greg's cheeks as he stared blankly down, unaware that Nick was awake and looking at him with concern.

By now, Nick obviously knew his situation. All his friends had come in to say goodbye to him and he had even talked to his whole family on the phone. They had all been a wreck and were only slightly comforted in the fact that Nick was holding up prefectly fine. He was able to laugh and joke, much to the relief to his team and siblings. But now that was over with and he was looking at the one person he loves with everything he has in him as tears ran down the other man's face, almost breaking Nick's heart.

"You don't have to say anything if you don't want to." Nick said softly, but the sudden inturruption the silence made Greg jump slightly.

He looked up at Nick and smiled at him sadly. "I want to say _something_. I just don't know how to tell you how much I love you and how much I'm gonna miss you."

Nick slid his hand into Greg's slowly. "I'm gonna miss you too."

"Why did this have to happen?" Greg choked out.

"I don't know." Nick tried to swallow the lump forming in his throat, but he couldn't. "I'm sorry."

Greg shook his head slowly. "It's not your fault."

"Yes it is. I promised you that I would always be here, and now I'm dying. I never wanted to leave you, especially not like this. All I've ever wanted to do for the last seven years is spend every second I could with you. The only thing I regret is not doing something about it sooner. I wish I was pushed out of that damn window years sooner. I would have jumped out of the damn thing if it meant spending just one more minute with you."

Greg tore his eyes away from Nick's in a failed attempt to stop the tears from cascading down his now pale cheeks. "That wasn't your fault, it was mine. I wasted so much time worrying about getting hurt when I knew all along that you're the only person I've ever actually wanted to be with, and I wasted almost an entire year."

"What makes you think it was wasted?" Nick asked. Greg didn't have an answer so he didn't respond. "Yeah, we weren't officially dating or whatever, but that's because you weren't ready, not because you didn't want to. It's not like we never spoke and avoided each other for that time. That was almost as amazing as when we were together. Just being around you is enough to make me happy. You didn't waste any time Greggo."

Greg looked back up at Nick. "I'm not ready to lose you. I'd never be ready to lose you, but especially not now. Not this soon. People tell me a lot that I'm really young for my age, and they're right. I am. But so are you. You're not that much older than I am, only a couple years. So why am I still here and you're leaving? Why do you have to leave?"

"What do you want me to say Greg?" Nick shook his head. "I don't know why. No one knows why. I would give anything to give you a good reason, but there isn't one sweetie."

"I know." Greg whispered. "I'm sorry I'm being so selfish about this, but I'm scared. I don't know what I'm going to do without you Nick. No one else can ever make me feel the way you do. This isn't fair."

Nick looked down at his fingers interlaced with Greg's. "Remember when you broke my hand?" Nick asked.

Greg looked down as well, realizing that the hand he was holding in his own was the one he had accidentally broken years ago. "Yeah." He answered, not sure of where Nick was going with this.

"Remember how scared you were to lose me because you had just lost your grandfather, and that's why you were so scared to be with me?"

Greg nodded slowly. "Yeah..."

Nick looked up at Greg, who was still looking at their hands. "Do you remember what I told you?"

More tears had started running down Greg's face as he remembered. "You told me that you would never do anything to hurt me. You said I'd never lose you and everything was going to be okay." Greg said quietly as he looked back into Nick's eyes.

"Would I lie to you?"

Greg shook his head. "Not on purpose."

"Not ever." Nick replied. "I'm not leaving you, I'm just not gonna be here anymore. As long as you want me to be, I'm going to be with you forever. It's going to get easier and everything is going to be okay. I wouldn't tell you that if it wasn't true."

"You're not even scared." Greg said with a small, sad laugh. "You're dying and you know it, and you're still not scared. You're more worried about me than yourself, and all I'm doing is making this harder for you."

"No you're not." Nick said. "If you weren't next to me right now, I don't know exactly what I'd be doing, but it wouldn't be good. I'm still not scared to die because of **you**. You've kept me going through so much and I don't know what I would have done without you."

Greg looked back down at their hands once again. "I just keep thinking of how awful it was when you were buried alive. I was so scared I was going to lose you then. Now that I am...it's almost unbearable."

"Do you remember what I told you then?" Nick asked, and Greg merely nodded. "No matter what happens to me, I'm still gonna be here as long as you remember me. I'll always love you. Nothing could ever make me stop loving you, not even this."

Greg looked back up at Nick. "I know that. I'm not gonna forget you or stop loving you either. It just feels like a part of me is dying with you. I feel like I'm dying too. Maybe I should."

Nick felt his heart skip a beat. All he could manage to say was a stunned, "What?"

"You're everything to me Nick, everything I have left. I don't want to live if it means I have to live without you."

Nick shook his head slowly. "No." He said. "No. Greg, do you honestly think that that's not crazy?"

Greg offered a small shrug. "No. Yes. I don't know what I think or want anymore. All I really want is for you to be okay."

"I am okay." Nick said as he squeezed Greg's hand gently. "I know that I'm gonna die and I know that this is really hard for you. I wish there was something I could do, but I've done everything I can and I wasn't enough. I'm sorry."

"Stop blaming yourself, I know you didn't do this to yourself on purpose."

Nick sighed. "I wish I could do something more to stay with you. I swear to you I didn't give up, I tried as hard as I could not to."

Greg smiled slightly. "I know. They initially said you would only make it through a few months. You fought it for two years when no one thought you could. And no matter what you say, I'm sorry for making you wait so long for me to be ready."

Nick smiled up at his boyfriend genuinely. "And no matter what you say, I'm never gonna be mad at you for waiting to be ready. I love you so much. I would have waited until the very last second of my life for you, just to hear you tell me you love me."

_Tell me that we belong together  
Dress it up with the trappings of love  
I'll be captivated  
I'll hang from your lips  
Instead of the gallows of heartache  
That hang from above_

* * *

There's one more chapter remaining after this one, and hopefully it'll be up soon. Thanks for the reviews. 

Song is "I'll Be" by Edwin McCain.


	15. Had To Be You

Greg ignored the fact that his head was throbbing and that his back hurt almost as bad as when he had been blown through a glass window in his own lab. He neck was stiff and his shoulders felt like they were about to pop out of their sockets. But this wasn't bothering Greg because he was used to these things and had been expecting them after having fallen asleep in the position he had. But what he wasn't expecting was the tight feeling around his hand. That was bothering him because although for some reason it felt right and familiar, his mind was telling him it wasn't supposed to be there. 

Instead of trying to pull his hand away from whatever it was that was causing the feeling around it, Greg slowly opened his eyes and lifted his head off of the uncomfortable mattress he had fallen asleep hunced over on. He was still sitting in the same chair he had been last night. He had been so tired that he had just leaned forward, rested his head next to Nick's side and let his tired eyes close. He had fallen asleep almost instantly.

_Nick._

Greg looked down at his left hand and saw that it was still intertwined with Nick's. He had fallen asleep, still holding Nick's hand. Greg frowned at the feeling, knowing that there was something wrong about it. His eyes quickly flashed from Nick's hand in his own to Nick's face. Upon doing so, Greg's heart skipped several beats. He felt his breath catch in his throat and his stomach flip when Nick's brown eyes met his own.

Nick's hand was gently squeezing Greg's, which was where the tight feeling had come from. His hand was warm against Greg's, which is why Greg was so confused. His mind had come to accept the fact that when he woke up, Nick wouldn't ever again. But here he was, staring back at him, his warm hand in Greg's, his chest moving up and down slowly with each steady breath.

Greg tried to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat, but it only got bigger the longer he looked at Nick. He felt his hands start to shake and knew there was nothing he could do to stop them, even though he wasn't interested in even trying right now. All he wanted to do was figure out a way to find out if he was dreaming, or if this was real. He didn't want to get his hopes up because he knew that he could very well wake up in a split second and Nick wouldn't be there. But right now he was, and he didn't seem to be going anywhere, and this felt as real as anything ever had.

Finally, Greg was able to force words to come out of his mouth. "Nick...you're supposed to be-"

Nick cut him off. "I know." His voice seemed far away, but it was still there.

"But you're n-"

"I know."

Greg shook his head slowly. "They said you wouldn't be here longer th-"

"I know."

"Then how come yo-"

"I don't know." Nick said with a shrug.

Greg was still shaking his head. "Not that I wanted you to, I'm just sur-"

"I know." Nick said with a small smile. "I don't know what's going on or why. All I know is I feel kinda weird and don't remember falling asleep before. But when I woke up you were still here."

Greg finally stopped shaking his head. "I wasn't gonna leave you alone. I didn't wanna leave." He looked down at their hands again. "I didn't want to let go, so I didn't."

Nick smiled again. "Neither did I."

* * *

The people in room 423 at Desert Palm's Hospital were apparently trying to break the world record for the number of people in one hospital room at a time. There was almost more people in that one room than on that entire floor altogether. Nick was still laying on his bed with Greg, Warrick and Catherine on his right. Grissom, Brass and Sara stood to his left. Dr. Lindser and three other nurses stood at the foot of Nick's bed, flipping through some papers and glancing back and forth between each other, the papers, and Nick. Last but kind of least, Ecklie was behind all of that near the door, out of the scene but paying as close attention as anyone else was.

Dr. Lindser sighed before he spoke, breaking the silence in the room. "I'm just going to be completely honest, because there's really no other way to explain this. I don't know what happened, how it happened, or why it happened. The tests we ran and charts from the last couple of days indicate that Nick did in fact die for about three minutes last night."

This was a surprise to everyone, especially Nick, because he was pretty sure he was alive right now.

"But," Lindser continued, "he came back. All on his own. Somehow, someway, he just did. I know that sounds far-fetched, but given this whole situation's aptness for the extraordinary over the last two years, I guess it makes more sense than something normal happening."

"So what's gonna happen next?" Grissom asked, too anxious to wait any longer.

"You're not going to believe me, but he's in perfect health right now. It's like he just got rid of the disease in one night. As suddenly as it had come it, it went away. No one's ever lived as long as he did with it, so I didn't expect this to happen because it never has before. All of his symptoms are virtually gone, save for some fatigue and muscle weakness, but that'll subside in a few weeks when his strength's back up." Linsder explained.

"So he's magically fine?" Warrick asked, not believing it.

Lindser nodded. "Yeah. This may sound weird, but I'm sorry it turned out like this. I mean, I wouldn't have told you all that he was going to die if I didn't think he was. He actually did, but it didn't last. I'm sorry I told you that and caused you all so much inconvienance."

Grissom shook his head. "There's no need for an apology, not after all you've done for us and for Nick. You had sufficient evidence to believe what you did, and ultimately you were right."

Nick rolled his eyes and laughed lightly. "Don't mind him." He said to Lindser. "He tends to relate everything to science or poetry, or both. It's something you come to expect, but never really get used to I guess."

* * *

Two days later, after extensive testing and precautionary observation, Nick was released from the hospital and allowed to go home. Dr. Lindser said his goodbyes and wished both Nick and Greg his best, telling both of them to call him if they ever needed anything at all. After promising to do so, Nick and Greg walked of Desert Palm's to the parking lot where Greg's Denali was waiting to take them home.

The car ride was silent the entire twenty minute duration it took for them to get home. Neither one of them had anything to say at the moment and spent the time thinking about everything they wanted to say rather than actually saying something to begin with. They thought it would be worth it to think it out rather than winging it and not getting everything they wanted to be said to be known to the person sitting next to them. So twenty minutes of silence was well spent, or so it seemed until they stepped into their home and all that had been forgotten.

Nick walked in first, followed closely by Greg. As soon as the ex-labrat had closed the door behind him, he was pinned against it by the Texan, who had captured him in a breathtaking kiss. Greg fell back against the door and quickly responded without even having to think about it, like he had been expecting it. Greg snaked his arms around Nick's neck and pulled him closer. Nick agreed that closer was a good idea, so he did his part by firmly putting his hand on Greg's hips and pulling the younger man flush against him, holding him in place against his body.

As the kiss escalated, the two men slowly made their way from the living room, down the hall and into the bedroom. They fell over onto the bed, Nick falling on top of Greg, pinning him now against the soft mattress of their bed. Greg's hands were laced through Nick's hair and the older man's hands were resting under Greg's shirt on the smooth skin of his waist. Their legs were tangled together as their hearts pounded against their chests, pressed up against each other's.

They only pulled away reluctantly and broke the kiss to catch their breath. Greg's hands slid down and rested on Nick's back as he stared up into the other man's eyes. Nick kept his hips pressed against Greg's, not wanting the contact to ever go away. Tears had formed in Nick's eyes, and just as one had started to slip down, Greg gently wiped it away with his thumb.

They had tried to say what they had wanted to say through physical action rather than just saying it, and it had mostly gotten the point across. But now they had remembered what they had wanted to say and were determined to actually verbally say it.

"I'm sorry." Nick said, eliciting the memory of their first encounter after lunch into Greg's mind.

"For what?" Greg said, mimicking what he had said years before.

Nick's response was different. "For putting you through all that. I know how hard it was for you and I just kept making it worse."

Greg smiled slightly. "Will you stop saying sorry? You didn't do anything wrong Nicky. What I went through was nothing compared to what you had to deal with. But it's all over now. You're okay and I'm okay. We're okay."

"I know." Nick said softly. "I just thought I was never gonna see you again, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. But I'm still here."

"And I'm glad you are." Greg added.

Nick smiled as well. "Me too." He bent down slightly and kissed Greg's neck softly. "Thank you."

Greg slid his arms back up around Nick's neck. "For what?"

"Staying with me through all of this and keeping me from going crazy." Nick whispered into Greg's ear. "I would have died a long time ago if it wasn't for you."

Greg shook his head. "No, you wouldn't have. You don't give yourself enough credit. You fought hard. You always do. And I'll never forget that."

"It's easy to do when you have something to fight for." Nick said as he moved up and looked Greg in the eyes again.

Greg kissed Nick softly. "I didn't have that much to do with it."

"Yeah, you did Greg." Nick said, still smiling. "I know why I lasted so much longer than everyone else did. I know why I got through this and why Lindser couldn't figure it out."

Nick reached back and slid his hand into Greg's as he kissed his forhead gently. "I had you."

_This is for real, this time I mean it  
I'm coming clean, please don't let go  
I said from the start, that you could take it or leave it  
I'd prefer that you keep it  
Don't let go  
This is the best thing  
That I've ever had for real  
Don't let go_

* * *

Thank you everyone who read this and a special thanks to everyone who reviewed. I'm going to be writing another Nick and Greg story hopefully soon after I get my other story "The Pretender" finished. I hope you enjoyed this story and thanks again.

Song is "This is For Real" by Motion City Soundtrack.


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